Musings on mamahood

I've moved

2011-01-26T19:52:00.002-05:00

I've moved the blog over to it's own url: http://www.mamabear.ca and finally took Dan's advice to go to wordpress too. Come on over!

Three car trips, three conversations

2010-06-10T22:21:00.001-04:00

Isabelle: Mom, I'm tired of life. Everything is the same every day, all the time.

Me: (suppressing the mother of all eye rolls) It's the end of the year and I think everyone is tired out. Summer will be here soon and everything will be different again.

Isabelle: Life is boring. That's why. Boring, the same thing. Why?

Me: (unable to suppress myself anymore) You're 6. You're too young for an existential crisis.

Isabelle: What's existentional? And 6 is not young mom... it's very OLD.

Me: (TURNING ON THE RADIO.)

Me: What's that smell?

Tom: I dunno. I didn't farted.

Me: Are your feet smelly?

Tom: NO! My feet are NOT smelly. They are not smelly.

Me: (knowing the smell of sneakered foot released when I smell it) Are you sure?

Tom: (sniffing his feet in the car seat)... Ah, yes. Yes, my feet are smelly.

Pause.

Tom: MOMMY!!!! STOP THE CAR - my feets are making me sick. You have to wash them!!!

Me: (TURNING ON THE RADIO.)

Isabelle: I am cheering for Italy [in the world cup]. Who are you cheering for, Tom?

Tom: I'm cheering for ME! Yay, ME!

Isabelle: (exasperated) No, you have to cheer for a team from a place.

Tom: Oh. Well, then I am cheering for Niagara Falls! [best place on earth as far as my well-travelled kiddos are concerned]

Pause.

Isabelle: Mom, is Niagara Falls in the World Cup?

Me: No, Niagara Falls is a city. Only countries have teams in the World Cup.

Isabelle: SEE - you can't cheer for Niagara Falls. You should cheer for Italy.

Tom: NO! I love Niagara Falls and I am cheering for them.

Isabelle: But they don't have a team. Or a jersey even. What are you going to wear?

Tom: [WAILING] I can cheer for Niagara Falls.

Isabelle: MOM!!! Tell him he can't.

Me: (TURNING ON THE RADIO.)

Some more gratuitous chick pics

2010-05-31T11:14:00.000-04:00

Breast Cakes

2010-05-28T21:03:00.002-04:00

Made for a friend's stag - shhh: don't tell them I'm just practicing for World Breastfeeding Week.

Baby Chicks (in my basement)

2010-05-28T21:03:00.001-04:00

Wordless Wednesday: what happens when Daddy goes to the petstore "just to see"

2010-05-12T00:05:00.000-04:00

Earth Day 2010

2010-04-20T14:49:00.002-04:00

I hadn't given a lot of thought to Earth Day Celebrations for this year - it's always a busy time of year with birthdays and events, so the Earth Day celebration often gets pushed aside. Plus, we try hard in the day-to-day to be conscious of our impact on our general environment, so many of the suggestions I read about don't really work well. Between Isabelle's Sparks and school, we're participating in two park clean-ups, so the fairly easy stuff is already covered. And falling on a Thursday where both Dan and I have several commitments means that a car-free day or activity with just Tom aren't going to happen (I could move the appointments, but the symbolism isn't worth the upheaval, forgive me).

So, this year we're going to focus on local - really local and plant some areas of our gardens with some sustainable local plants. I started last year replacing a shady area that used to have annuals in it with trilliums. After having most of them die off, I've figured out why and am going to try again.

Since our municipality started collecting compost, we've stopped doing our own composting (except egg shells). But the Star recently revealed that not very much of what we're giving them is actually turning into usable compost. And I've always wanted to try out vermi-composting - a bonus that Isabelle and Thomas have developed a sudden (and uncharacteristic for our family) love of worms. So, we'll be setting that up in honour of Earth Day too. Just don't tell my husband: he's not a lover of worms or my projects that involve rotting garbage.

What are you doing?

ps: This post was written as a part of the Earth Day Challenge hosted by The Canadian Mom Blog Network in Partnership with Mom Central, Majesta, and Fenigo.com.

Art doesn't always imitate life

2010-04-19T20:04:00.001-04:00

Isabelle and I settled into her bed with a book she got out of the school library (ie: one that I did not have a hand in choosing). The story was roughly how being a big sister is more fun than being a baby brother. Cool by me.

In the day to day, I mostly live my life in circles where babies are routinely born at home, breastfed until they are 2 and beyond, sharing their parents bed(s). The babies in my world are carried, not strolled and their mothers worry about the pattern of their next sling, not the crib bumper. It's easy for me to believe this is the norm. I try hard when chosing books that address family to find stories that look like our home. This is a handy bibliography from LLLI that I've used: not sure if there's anything more up to date out there these days.

So, page two of our happy book sees Daddy preparing a bottle and Isabelle says, "That's right - big girls eat food, but babies drink from bottles." WHAAA? Deep breath. I try not to freak out and just focus on bringing this back to our experience. "Did Tom drink from a bottle?" "No, he had na-nas: he never drank from bottles ever." "Do you think you drank from bottles?" Tough one, since she doesn't remember, but she's getting the drift of this. "No, I think I drank just milk from na-nas too.... (lightbulb) So, just the baby in the book drank bottles, our babies drink milk from na-nas." I like the way she says our babies.

Next page doesn't improve much - a separate nursery with a crib for baby. Isabelle loves the mobile! "But Tom never slept in his crib." "No - he slept with me and Daddy. And so did you. Sometimes you still do!" "Yes, I think it is nice to sleep cuddled with your Mommy." Me too, kiddo.

And so it goes through the book. The stroller. "Do all babies ride in strollers?" "Sure they do - that's how they get around when they are too little to walk!" "Did Tom always use a stroller? Do you remember his favourite place to be when he was baby?" "Oh, yes. Your red sling! He was so cute." "Yup - you rode in a sling too - Daddy carried you a lot too." "Oh really. Yes, I remember I loved my sling." (Not likely, but I'll take even contrived memory).

So, the pause, then the question. "Our family is not much like this family is it?" Well, sure they are: they have a mommy and a daddy and a big sister and a little brother. They even have an aunt. But there are lots of ways our family is different too - and I'm ok with that reminder.

Prideful Prejudice

2010-04-09T02:37:00.004-04:00

How's that for a blog post title? And after so many months of abandoning you!

So, about that, sorry. It's been busy and I am trying to sort out how to fit all the stuff I need and want to do. Writing is definitely in the 'keep' box, but it's also something that requires me to have a chunk of quiet brain space and I just haven't been carving that out very well lately.

But I'm back and I'm going to talk a little bit about judgment. Not judgment of me (knock yourselves out if you want). No - these are the judgey pants I wear out in the world and I am afraid I have order in a size 6X, pink.

We were driving down a major road recently and Isabelle spotted a young boy who was sitting in the front driver side of a parked car.

"He's in the driving seat and not even in a car seat! He has BAD PARENTS, huh Mom?" Her first instinct is a spiteful 'j'accuse' of "BAD PARENTS". Spiteful. And confident that she is right and they are wrong. I recognize the anger and confidence - 'cause I have felt it many a time, about car seat safety, about feeding choices, about discipline, about, well, pretty much anything that another person might chose that I get to know about.

Six year olds are so much about rules and categories of right and wrong - Isabelle doesn't see a lot of gray in the world. I get that: it's a stage of development, not a character flaw. I like to think I'm more subtle than that (being well past 6 and all), but my first instinct was the same. Yes, yes, he does have bad parents - leaving him sitting in the driver seat while they were on the sidewalk.

In the next breath, I know there are a million reasons why a good parent might have allowed that. Heck, that I might allow it. So we talk about those reasons and why it's not safe most of the time, but it might be the right choice for a mommy or daddy to make. At six, she can already raise a skeptical eyebrow at me like a pro, but we decide that we can't really say that they are or not. And also, we will not be playing in the front seat in our family.

So, we kind of settle that one. Yet...

Peggy O'Mara has famously been quoted as saying that "Judgment is not always wrong" - I believe that. Human nature is imperfect and humans are vulnerable: we have a duty to protect each other. But there are so many times in my life that I feel that "j'accuse" and then the uncertain retreat and then.... do I settle on the right place before I open my mouth? For the "accused"? For my values? Does it even matter what I say when my visceral reaction is to condemn? Do my eyes speak louder than the carefully chosen words?

And which one tells the truth?

You can't blow out a sparkler - my baby turns 6

2010-03-30T01:20:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday: Things aren't always as they seem

2010-03-25T22:24:00.000-04:00

You might think by looking at this that I am being mean mommy and making him pose near a tarantula. But no - he wanted to see it and this was pretty much the only time he didn't cry through this whole "fun" outing. Until that blue morpho butterfly appeared and once again struck terror in his heart.

Niagara Butterfly Conservatory - "we'll scar them for life".

PS: I've been neglecting you, readers, I know. Look for more posts soon. Promise.

More on Melissa & Doug recall... sigh

2009-12-02T20:39:00.000-05:00

So it ends up that the US actually does have barium limits on toys introduced as part of the Feb 2009 overhaul (you might remember it caused a huge uproar on etsy due to testing requirements that put a lot of small crafts people out of business).
While the regulatory body hasn't been testing, the Canadian test results would put the toys above the current US limits as well, it's just not being enforced. I don't have the energy to retype it all and zrecommends says it best anyway:
http://www.zrecommends.com/detail/melissa-doug-imaginarium-toys-recalled-in-canada-appear-to-fail-us-limit/
That's likely to end up being a problem for M&D because while the testing requirements aren't in force, a company knowingly selling goods that are above the limits is breaking the law. And the line they've been giving retailers and concerned consumers is that it's only a problem in Canada and that they're "just" above the limit. Which kind of also sucks for US retailers because by extension they are also breaking the law.
Did I mention before how glad I am that we don't sell these? Sigh.

Shit happens... too much

2009-11-29T00:22:00.002-05:00

With another wave of massive recalls this week, there's lots of chatter among parents about product safety again (not that it ever really goes away). In particular, many of the parents I talked are disturbed by the Melissa & Doug recall because it's a company whose brand is focussed on the wooden toys that many parents prefer at a price that makes them affordable.
Greenwashing is something that a lot of consumers are becoming increaingly aware of and particularly harsh about because it's a marketing tactic that strikes at the heart of their trust in the companies they buy from. Melissa & Doug makes their toys in China - they say that this makes it possible to sell toys at a price that families can afford and that they control their manufacturing process to prevent breaches like those that caused the massive Mattel recalls.

So, let's get it out of the way first that no product is ever going to be 100% fail-proof all the time. It's just not. Things will break unexpectedly, there will bad batches and sometimes stuff just happens. I understand and expect that when say, a high chair is recalled due to faulty design or I need to install a new latch holder on my car seat. By large, companies who have these types of recalls have followed procedure and realistically no one has made any profit off the error (maybe the industrial designer?).

The trouble with these toy paint recalls is that they expose a problem in a global supply chain that's proving very difficult to counteract. Relatively low but widespread contaimination can be dangerous very quickly for little bodies. While melamine isn't exactly good for the adults who consumed candies or other products made with the contaminated milk powder in last year tainted milk scandal, it wasn't deadly. It was deadly (or very harmful) for thousands of babies who drank it - both because they were exposed to more of it and because their bodies had a lesser capacity to deal with it.

It doesn't take much lead, barium or mercury to have an effect on a child or infant - the way children play and are meant to play with toys means that they are greater risk of contamination upon contact. While national limits vary, the WHO established in 2003 that there are reasonable levels for these and other heavy metals in children's items.

That doesn't answer the question of why it seems to be so difficult to rid children's products of these dangerous heavy metals - it just explains why it's important.

To understand why lead and certain other heavy metals keep cropping up, we need to understand a little bit more about how paint works. Lead chromates are added to paint to improve the tone of certain hues like yellow and orange. These same additives make the paint less vulnerable to ultraviolet light, less prone to mildew and more durable against flaking. The lead additives are also very inexpensive and thus allow the production of a similar finish for considerably lower cost.
Other heavy metals have different functions - for example, barium in the form of barium sulfate is used as an inexpensive filler in paint manufacture, again allowing manufacturers to stretch the same volume of pigment over a larger area, resulting in lower costs.

Sounds great? Better performance, lower cost... what's to complain about? Well, nothing unless your kids are the ones playing with the toys in question.

Lead is a well-known neuro-toxin - causing severe illness (even death) at higher doses. At low doses, exposure result in brain damage that may be irreversible, among other symptoms. All heavy metals build up in the body over time, so that the damage is cumulative - even more worrisome when dealing with children's toys. While this week's recall of Melissa & Doug toys referred to the acute signs of barium poisoning (vomiting, diarreha, cramps), there are also concerns over the long term links of barium to development of multiple sclerosis and other auto-immune diseases.

So that explains why it's bad for your toddler to exercise her new teeth on the toy whose bright yellow colour comes from lead chromates in a barium sulphate base and why the maker of the paints might have an incentive to make that paint anyway.

What it doesn't explain is how a respected brand who is subject to North American rules (both technically and ethically even if they weren't) ends up buying that paint even though the financial incentive at manuacturing ought to be well outweighed by the reputational and legal risk once the products reach consumers.

Can they do better at monitoring? Probably - but the essence of the issue is that mass production reduces cost by reducing the oversight needed on any one particular item. Does Mike Rainville in Middlebury, VT know more about what happens in his plant and his suppliers' plants than Doug Berstein does? Necessarily, yes, he does - and he can act on errors a whole lot faster. Then, again, Mike Lee at Sarah's Silks produces some products in China (and we sell them) and his dispatches from site visits show a very aware manufacturer who controls the critical pieces of his supply chain directly (ie: the dyeing) while creating beneficial economies of scale with home workers in China.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but I know where my dollars will get spent - on companies that absorb the full cost of their products, who have a personal stake in them and who mean it when they say 'from my family to yours'.

Low-tech H1N1 Tips

2009-11-02T02:18:00.003-05:00

These aren't mine - they came across from Isabelle's school this evening, but since they were simple, low-tech and made lots of sense, I figured out I would pass along:
The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is. While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):
1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).
2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat or bathe..)
3. Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine or Hydrogen Peroxide if you don't trust salt). H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.
4. Similar to 3 above, clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water, or hydrogen peroxide. Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose softly once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.
5. Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.
6. Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
Thank you to Mr. Delaune for passing this on to the school community (and for having the foresight to hire an additional custodian!).

Breastfeed your children - especially this flu season

2009-10-22T19:16:00.001-04:00

Let's call it H1N1 day at the doudoubebe.com blog :). Here's La Leche League Canada's press release on breastfeeding and the swine flu.

Does the Vaccine Matter? - The Atlantic (November 2009)

2009-10-22T18:52:00.000-04:00

There are a lot of articles out there right now about H1N1 and vaccination in particular. With the approval this week of Canada's H1N1 vaccine, the time for decision-making has come for many of us still on the fence. I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking about this - there's plenty to.

This article from the Atlantic offers some good and original insights - not so much into the decision about this particular vaccine, but just in general about how we approach pandemics and what that might mean at a macro-level. Read it - really before you make the call (or even if you have).

Guess who is in the Canadian Family Toy Guide?

2009-10-05T23:20:00.002-04:00

Oh, yeah, baby - that's us in there with Maple Landmark's fabulous, all natural Maple School Bus.

On newsstands across Canada now! And to top it off, it's up just in time to launch with the new site design at doudoubebe.com.

Forget goblins: it's the (Nestle) candy that should really scare you

2009-10-04T10:00:00.005-04:00

A lot of attention has been focussed on the Nestle boybott following a firestorm around a PR junket. I'll let Annie at PhD in Parenting tell the story. I've been heartened by how questions I've gotten about the boycott and reasons behind it. With Hallowe'en coming up, many households are thinking about stocking up on candy - if you're paying more attention to who makes your chocolate these days, you'll no doubt begin to realize that Nestle has much of the market concerned in the typical Hallowe'en candy area.

October 26 to November 1 has been designated Global Nestle-Free Week. Even if you don't boycott Nestle the rest of the year, consider it for just this week around Hallowe'en. Information on how to maximize the impact of your participation can be found at INFACT.

To avoid Nestlé, you need to not only avoid Nestle labelled products, but also Crunch, Cailler, Galak/Milkybar, KitKat, Quality Street, Smarties, Baci, After Eight, Baby Ruth, Butterfinger, Lion, Aero, Polo and Frutips. It's a long list and it gets confusing. Infact Canada maintains an on-going list and information on the Nestle boycott here.

After you look at that list, you might wonder whether it wouldn't be easier to just list the things that you can give out. Here are a few ideas:

- ok, so toothbrushes and apples are likely to get your house toiletpapered. You might get away with stickers or colourful erasers. How about play dough? The big Play-Doh manufacturer makes tiny containers or you can get in touch with the nice folks over at Dirty Dough for a natural product. For something truly local, try making your own with the kids.

- check out local chocolate makers who make high quality yummies right in your community. My favourite in our neck of the woods is Sitting Around Eating Bonbons . She makes delicious, special chocolates in her tiny little shop - and the only guilt is about my diet with the organic, free trade yumminess.

- if you just need something you can pick up at the grocery store, try Mars products (which include M&Ms as well Mars, Twix and others). Jelly Belly beans are also a long-time favourite here. Now, these brands aren't fair trade compliant and they may contain stuff (like artificial colours) that aren't great for growing bodies and brains - but if it's between Twix and Kit Kat, take the Twix. Smarties vs. M&Ms, take the M&Ms.

Don't forget to have change for UNICEF available - and tell your friends why your Hallowe'en shopping has required a few extra steps this year.

Babywearing Hallowe'en

2009-10-04T02:47:00.001-04:00

Proscratinors of the world - Hallowe'en is coming up fast and you have to start planning now if you want your costume to be less lame than last year. So I, uh you, need to get moving. Ok, we need to get moving.
For those with babes of baywearing age, picking a costume can be a bit tricky. But these can actually be some of the funnest out there (if you think your baby can't be any cuter, put bunny ears on him...believe me, he will be cuter).
So, a few ideas:

Kangaroo and Joey
Ok, so not exactly digging deep for inspiration, but this is a really cute one and easy to do with any front carrier. For the grown-up, get a brown/tan sweatsuit (only time this is allowed) - a hoodie sweatshirt is ideal. Then make yourself a headband with medium length brown ears. Take an old fleshcoloured nylon stocking, stuff with poly fill (or rags or toilet paper if you need to) and try off the end. Pin the tied off end to the hem of your pants so your tail sticks out the bottom of the sweatshirt. The joey is in a tan sleeper (or sweatsuit) with a headband of medium brown ears. A spot of black makeup on each nose and you're off.
Credit to coolest-homemade-costumes.com for the photo.

Jack in the Box
One of the cutest costumes ever and fairly easy. You can use any front facing carrier. Dress baby up in a colourful sleeper and make/find a jester hat. Find a box about 10cm wider than your carrier and 5cm longer. Cut about a third of the box off with a round cutout at the top and bottom (for head and feet). Apply wrapping paper or paint box brightly (if you have a drooler -consider this in choosing your medium - it will right under them). Firmly tape 10cm of ribbon at each corner of the open side of the box. Once baby jester is in the carrier, tie the box on using the strips and voila - Jack in the Box.

Credit for photo goes to Adam Miller.

Hatchling
Another idea with a front facing carrier, super easy. Using an existing hat with straps, make a cover of white felt and cut a deep zig zag pattern. With more white felt or heavy weight white fabric, cut out a piece slightly larger than the body of your carrier and create a deep zig zag border. Pin it on with safety pins. Dress yourself in all black (you are the background in this one) and baby in a soft yellow sleeper.

Another one from coolest-homemade-costumes.com.

Itsy Bitsy Spider
The idea for this one goes to Martha Stewart, but is not especially Martha-like in its rigor (and I've great liberties with the instructions!). Take an old bedsheet and cut out a hole for your head. Using a black fabric marker, draw radiating lines from the neck, then carefully draw concentric circles to join them (the web). Your little spider will be under sheet - you'll need to cut a slit for her head to stick out. Just below the slit, glue or sew on a oval "body" made of black felt or fabric. Take eight mens trouser socks (microfiber according to Martha) and stuff with polyfilling. Using safety pins on the reverse side, carefully pin and arrange the legs over the web - use hot glue to make sure they join up well with the body. A black toque tops off the look for baby.

Credit for photo goes to Martha Stewart Living and you can get her proper instructions here .

Sometimes, one of the biggest problems is finding the right colour for a particular costume. How many of us really have a tan coloured sweat suit? (The answer to that question should be ZERO!). One thing you can do rather than try to hunt one down is to take one you already have and dye it. Even if what you have is totally the wrong colour, you can strip using RIT Colour Remover and then redye it.

Have a great idea? A great babywearing Hallowe'en pic? Send it along!

You can't sleep alone in a strange place, you can't sleep with somebody else

2009-09-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about sleeping arrangements lately as we settle back into a school year routine. Co-sleeping is one of those discussions that leaves me a bit confounded as the kids get older. When they were small and sleep was all we and all our baby-bearing friends discussed, the family bed vs. the cry-it-out (CIO) method was pretty polarizing. And we were largely on our own at our pole.

But now that they are older, like weaning/breastfeeding discussions, everyone assumes that co-sleeping is a thing of the past. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not - and the new variable is that the kids have started liking to sleep together, whether one of us is there or not (we take up a lot of room I guess). It seems to be working for us now and like all things sleep related, I figure if we're all resting, I'm not going to mess with it.

So, dear readers, what happens in your house? The poll above probably doesn't have nearly enough variations - so feel free to comment below.

Dr. Jay Gordon - Time to Activate Your Pandemic Panic Pause Button

2009-09-03T02:23:00.001-04:00

Dr. Jay Gordon - Time to Activate Your Pandemic Panic Pause Button

Posted using ShareThis

Breastfeeding reduces cancer & other myths

2009-08-11T12:02:00.004-04:00

It was widely reported that a study this week found that breastfeeding reduces breast cancer risk, especially in women with a family history of the disease.

Don't be fooled: this is a myth.

The truth is that women who do not breastfeed have a higher incidence of breast cancer. They also have a higher incidence of ovarian, endometrial and uterine cancer - in addition to passing on that increased risk to their daughters and grand-daughters. You'll rarely see the headline you ought to see about breastfeeding, though we have few compunctions about telling parents that they will harm their children by not putting them in carseats or failing to keep them active.

So here are a few more 'myths':
- Breastfeeding reduces your baby's risk of obesity, Type I and II diabetes and childhood cancers.
- Breastfeeding reduces Mom's risk of Type II diabetes, high blood pressure and cardio-vascular disease.
- Breastfeeding promotes optimal palate development, decreasing sleep apnea and other disorders.

Here's the truth:

- Formula-fed babies are at greater risk for obesity, Type I and II diabetes and childhood cancers. These are serious conditions that can result in disability and premature death.
- Not breastfeeding increases your risk of Type II diabetes and cardio-vascular disease. In addition to the attention required in the management of the disease, the risk of complications means you're less likely to be rocking your grandbabies and chasing them through the park.
- Bottlefeeding causes the palate to be malformed, increasing the risk of debilitating and possibly life-threatening conditions like sleep apnea. These conditions are life-long and are incurable, though treatable.

Maybe it seems like semantics to you... but it's important. Mothers who go to extraordinary lengths to breastfeed their babies often have to also contend with family and health care providers who don't "see the point". While we talk a lot about how breastfeeding is a foundation of good health, there are major systemic barriers to success for the nursing pair - birth practices, sleep practices, maternity leave... these are big, broad issues that get white-washed in the "breast is best" message. Diane Wiessinger has done some great work in talking about breastfed being 'normal fed' and is a worthy read for anyone interested in how language affects our view of breastfeeding and how to address it.

Think about it next time you see a health headline.

New Baby Oatmeal Cookies

2009-08-08T14:44:00.002-04:00

To close off U.S. World Breastfeeding Week, I thought I'd post this recipe - especially since I just made a batch for a friend's newest addition. Well, for mom, not the baby - just breastmilk for her!

These ones have oatmeal for more milk, whole-wheat flour to keep things moving, walnuts for healthy fat and finally blackstrap molasses and raisins for renewing iron lost at birth. For fun, you can throw in some fenugreek or flax seeds. I don't think any of the quantities here are therapeutic, but wholesome cookies are a great, eat-with-one-hand snack for a new mom. Much better than flowers - believe me.

2 cups whole-wheat flour
2 cups oatmeal (large flake is best, but any kind other than instant is ok)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup tablespoons blackstrap molasses
3/4 cup butter
2 eggs, beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup raisins
2 tbsp. fenugreek seeds and/or flax seeds (whole)

Preheat oven to 350F. Mix together flour, oatmeal, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Cream brown sugar, molasses and butter until well blended - add 1 eggs one at a time. Add vanilla and mix well. Add dry ingredients and combine. Add walnuts, raisins and seeds if using. Drop by heaping teaspoonsful on ungreased baking sheet - bake 12-14 minutes until golden. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

Thank you Canadian Family!

2009-08-08T14:12:00.000-04:00

Tom was very enamoured with his Staedtler prize pack - even though he fell asleep on the way home from Ontario Place, I couldn't wrench those coloured pens from his grasp. Isabelle is also enjoying her 'professiondal' pencils and has been creating lots of artwork!

Wordless Wednesday - Breastfeeding Goddess

2009-08-05T23:58:00.006-04:00

How beautiful is this? Check out the site http://www.breastfeeding-art.com/ for the whole beautiful series.

NB: All images are subject to copyright and the property of Akarot Illustrations - see site for more on uses.

Backseat Conversations

2009-07-16T12:08:00.003-04:00

I: “Mama, I noticed that I don’t have earrings in my jewellery box.” (Yup, she’s sly.)
Me: “Well, yes, that’s true – you don’t have your ears pierced, so you can’t wear earrings.”
I: “Hmmm… I think it would be nice to wear earrings.”
Me: “Would you like to have your ears pierced?”
I: “Pierced??” as she checks her mental thesarus for what other possible meaning ‘pierce’ might have and comes up empty. “How do they do that?”
Me: “Well, they have to push a needle through your ear to make a hole. So they take a gun and press into your earlobe and shoot it through.” (Yes, I know I could have used a word other than gun, but that's what it's called.)
Silence. Clearly, the road noise must have caused a miscommunication, she thinks.
I: “They shoot it near your ear?” Hopefully.
Me: “No, through your ear – to make the hole.”
I: “NEAR your ear?” Nothing if not persistent, she is.
Me: “No, through your ear so the earring can go through – that’s how they stay in.”
I: “Does it hurt?” Ever hopeful.
Me: “Well, yes – though not for very long. But you have to put alcohol on it and turn them often so your ears heal without sticking to the earrings.”
Silence. Dejection.
I: “I think I will not have earrings, ok?”
Me: “Ok.”

What kind of pump should you buy?

2009-07-09T00:01:00.007-04:00

It seems like these days the breast pump has joined the ranks of baby registry basics: every new mother assumes that she needs one. Like most spaces where breastfeeding and consumerism meet, there are good and bad aspects to this.

The fact that it's automatic is a big YAY!: it means that breast milk is what mothers assume their babies will drink. But breast milk doesn't equal breastfeeding - and there are important benefits to breastfeeding that breast milk from a bottle can't replicate. One of the main ones is the ease of preparation and clean up.

Pumping has a place for mothers who have to be separated from their nurslings for longer periods. It also has a place for mothers for whom latching has proved challenging and nursing supplementers too cumbersome. And for some families, the typical suggestions on how to cope with night-waking and high-needs babies aren't practical or sufficient. In these cases where a mother is maintaining a full supply, a heavy-duty double pump is in order - and that's not a worthy 'just in case' expense (renting a hospital grade is the better option most of the time anyway).

I remember stinging at a speech that Jack Newman gave a number of years ago where he scoffed about the "silly contraptions" manufacturers were coming out with for hands-free pumping. Clearly, I thought, he's never had to pump every three hours around the clock for a baby in the NICU - hands-free pumping meant a lot to me. Not that I had proper hands-free set-up, but I got fairly good at balancing the bottles on my knees while I read trashy magazines to distract myself from the anguish in my heart.

But like all things commercial, what would have been helpful to me when pumping was a necessity has the potential to overreach. Most women who are planning to breastfeed have no reason at all to expect that they'll need a pump in the first few months of their baby's life. Unless they are planning on returning to work within the first month or so, pumping right away has very little benefit at a time when the focus should be establishing a balanced milk supply and good breastfeeding relationship. Stashes can be built, but not at the expense of those early moments.

For mothers who are able to take humane maternity leaves, pumping is even less important. Certainly, for those mothers, an electric pump is probably overkill and even a manual pump will fail to encourage that most basic skill that every lactating woman should have - manual expression. This is so important that I am stunned how few women are taught it, much less properly.

So much as I stung at his cavalier attitude, Dr. Newman had gotten a whiff of the direction in which things were going. Medela, previously one of the very few WHO-compliant gear companies out there, last year decided to take a different step and begin actively marketing bottles and artificial nipples directly to consumers. In the grand scheme, they're certainly no Nestle and they make quality products that have saved and prolonged many breastfeeding relationships.

But so few women are getting good information about breastfeeding - I mean really good information about the practicalities of the day-to-day, not just "Breast is best" - that these kinds of products flooding the market and making it on must-have lists really does have the potential to create a whole new set of breastfeeding problems. Oversupply from over pumping, nipple confusion/flow preference, plugged ducts and mastitis from poor pumping practice (IE: balancing the bottles on your knees can create uneven pressure that leads to plugged ducts) and ultimately breastfeeding ending earlier than nature intended. Maybe it ends earlier because the problems become acute and force the hands of the nursing pair or maybe it's simply because the connection in breastfeeding that evolves between mom and baby is interrupted and there comes a day when "breast is best" just isn't enough.

So, don't be surprised next time you ask "Which pump should I buy? (or "buy for her")" that my answer is no pump at all.

Wordless Wednesday - Raw Zucchini Pasta

2009-07-08T20:49:00.003-04:00

Mom be nimble, Mom be quick...

2009-07-07T02:13:00.001-04:00

Mom jumps over the candlestick?

Well, not quite, but I've always been a light traveller when it comes to the kids. Pretty as those fancy diaper bags are tossed over the giant death star strollers, we pretty quickly discovered that we were minimalists when it came to hauling gear.

I got over the idea that I had to carry Isabelle around in the car seat bucket thanks to my midwife who said, "Uh, you could just, you know, carry her in your arms...". A revelation that came too late to spare us the expense of the giant stroller... alas.

For most of Isabelle's babyhood, I went out with a bank card in my back pocket, a carrier and a diaper tucked into the pouch. That's it - it was enormously freeing to be able to walk around like a normal person and not be relegated to hunting down elevators and ramps. As my husband calls it, the "disabled by children" syndrome.

But as they grow, so do we need to adapt. Tom is still wearable (and prefers to be carried very often), but they have a lot of gear these little explorers. And while I have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to carriers, my broken-by-pregnancy body can only haul so much.

With two kids now mobile, I'm often at a loss - do I bring a double stroller? I hate the double strollers - we have two of them and I don't know which heavy, awkward, pain in the butt one I dislike more. I put on quite the show one day this week when we returned to the car after a pleasant amusement park visit and I found I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to fold the freaking stroller up. I tried every which button and lever and the #*!@&$@*#&!@ just wouldn't budge. I tried putting in the car open - no go. Then I took out the doggie bars and tried again. Still no good, plus now I had to figure out where to put the doggie bars. A group with two dads was coming down the aisle and I could tell I was a source of amusement. It's one thing to be locked in my own private battle with a hunk of philosophically questionable baby gear, entirely another to be laughed by strangers. So I threw it. And it folded - and buddy laughed all the way to his car.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story really is? Strollers suck? Well, they kind of do, but they also allow you to carry more stuff than the average human mother can. And while less is more, food and gear for two little people, plus two said little people is more than I can carry most days. Is it that I bring too much gear? Maybe. Or that I put too much importance on being agile and get annoyed at the trouble that the stuff causes more than I should?

Or maybe the moral is that sometimes violence is the answer. Violence against strollers, not strangers who laugh at you, that is.

Wordless Wednesday - WEEEEEEE!

2009-06-24T05:43:00.001-04:00

Summer is here and the living is easy

2009-06-22T16:30:00.006-04:00

Kids hanging out with homemade pink lemonade in the shade. Good times!

"Recipe"

Juice of 2 lemons
1/4 cup grenadine (you can use pureed strawberries/raspberries too)
Sugar syrup to taste (dissolve 1 2 cups sugar in 2 cups water, boil and store in fridge)
Ice

Juice lemons, add grenadine - fill jug half way with ice then water to 3/4 full. Taste and add sugar syrup to taste. The sugar syrup makes sure that it dissolves fully.

For grown-up drinks, I make a separate jug sans grenadine with mint leaves and vodka. But keep it labelled!

Why the dog is so high-strung

2009-06-20T16:18:00.000-04:00

Ah-ha! He has a secret Starbucks addiction - he stole this half empty cup out of my car and snuck off to drink it. Busted.

Sometimes I need more than one reminder

2009-06-18T22:05:00.001-04:00

I feel like maybe the universe is trying to show me something.
First, a couple weeks ago, I was shocked and distraught to learn that a blogger, Emily McDonald, that I had been following for a long time was alledgedly purposely harming her fragile preschooler in a potentially fatal bid for attention (which all of us on the Internet had given her). Then a similar story came out about another blogger, Rebeccah Beushausen, who just made up her 'sick baby' story.
This week, a fellow mom tweeter came across a horrible, racist employment ad on Kijiji.... in following up, I learned that it was actually a malicious smear attempt. Phew.... sort of. Phew, that no one actually thought it was ok to put "Blacks and Asians need not apply in a want ad, but scary at how long that ad stayed up and how many people might have thought it was legitimate.
So, what's the universe trying to tell me?
Well, I think it's a reminder about thinking critically - that facts aren't always truth, especially when you can't experience it for yourself. How much am I teaching my kids about this? That what they see on TV, in books and on the radio is someone else's representation and that they need to decide whether that representation is right, every time. Do I challenge them to do this enough? Challenge myself? Perhaps not.
I don't blog a lot about the business, mainly because I'm figuring that my readers (if they are any out there!) probably won't find the day-to-day minutiae of running a little online business that fascinating. But these past few weeks have also been a good lesson in brand protection. I've checked my Google Alerts to make sure that I see when our name pops up and kept an eye on analytics to see who is coming to the site and why. The Google tools are easy to use and free - a no-brainer for me.
Battening down the hatches and hiding isn't an option - I need to be "out there" learning and sharing and I enjoy it too. By being out there and authentic, it protects our brand too - because my genuine voice is easily distinguished from those with malicious intent.
I've never been good at paranoia - I believe in karma and that if you think the best of people, they'll usually deliver. And even on the internet, that's true - this is the first time in many years that I've ever encountered truly scary people. That's not to say that caution and good sense won't serve well both in the internet's wild west or the quiet streets of Toronto.
So, ok, universe, I got the message. Back off, now, ok?

NIP, no tuck

2009-06-16T15:20:00.011-04:00

Welcome to my contribution to this month's Carnival of Breastfeeding - the theme is nursing in public. Read on, then hop on the Carnival Ride of links at the bottom of this post!
Nursing in public, or NIP as it's known in internet speak, is one of those red herring subjects for me. Just the fact that it has its own internet acronym tells me there is something wrong - after all, there's no acronym for babies leaving the house, is there? In a normal world, if babies leave the house, then they breastfeed in public. Period.
But it's not a world where breastfeeding is as normal as it should be and that leads to all kinds of weird and contradictory dialogue among women and mothers. A very common comment I hear is: "Well, of course, you should be able to breastfeed your baby, but you should be discreet about it."
I would like to meet these legions of women who revel in the idea of shaking their milk-filled boobies and post-partum bellies in the faces of horrified strangers. Those would be interesting mamas to chat with. The reality is that breastfeeding mothers are just that - mothers who are trying to feed their hungry babies and comfort their sad/tired ones.
Discretion is in the eye of the beholder, really. What's discreet and comfortable for one nursing couple might be crazy exhibitionism for another. The trouble becomes that as soon as you allow a third party to decide what is and isn't acceptable, mothers lose the power to nurse their babies when they need it. They just do.
In 2007, I attended the LLLI Conference in Chicago. It was an amazing, fantastic week, so nourishing to be surrounded by women and their nurslings/slinglings - it's how the world should always be. But in the conference materials, there was a little warning box - reminding participants that we would be showcased and to exercise discretion in breastfeeding our babies outside the conference areas. It still bothers me that that was in there - though it didn't seem to change anyone's behaviour.
About that, I don't have a ton of pictures of me nursing in public (or nursing at all, really) - flashes and nursing babies don't get along so well. But here are a few of my favourites from that Chicago conference:

Tom having his dinner between courses at the LLLI Closing Banquet. Look how little his head is and how bald he is!

Nursing at the top of the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel

Same spot, different angle so you can a bit of the city. One of my favourite pictures EVER.

Want to read more? Hop on the Carnival 'ride':

Lucy and Ethel Have A Baby: The Adventures of Shrike & Whozat & Peeper

PhD In Parenting

Dirty Diaper Laundry

Kim Through The Looking Glass

Grudgemom: Learning To Be A Mom One Diaper At A Time

Mum Unplugged

Massachusetts Friends of Midwives

Mother Mary's Soapbox

Tiny Grass

Mommy News & Views Blog

Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Stork Stories . . . Birth & Breastfeeding

Chronicles of A Nursing Mom

Warm Hearts, Happy Family

Blacktating

Musings on mamahood

Motherwear's Breastfeeding Blog

Mama Knows Breast: Adventures In Breastfeeding

Tales of Life With A Girl On the Go

Breastfeeding Moms Unite

Never a Dull Moment ...

Breastfeeding Mums: Bumps, Birth, Babies & Breastfeeding

Hobo Mama

Friday Five: Cute Things

2009-06-12T19:03:00.003-04:00

I need a little light and happiness this weekend - there's been a lot of dreary, bad news of late. So this week's friday five are things that I find so cute, they make me smile every time.

Little Boys with Big Backpacks

Babies Sneezing

Kids Napping Together

Babywearing Daddies with girly Carriers

Nursing Puppies

Enjoy your weekend!

More bad mothers

2009-06-10T05:13:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking some more about good mothers, bad mothers and how you tell them apart. And why "bad mothering" gets a better rap in some circles than parents who are doing their level best.

The Boring Mother
She will not play trains (despite having done so for hours this morning), she will not fill up the sand table with water and she insists that paint needs to be applied to paint brushes and to paper only. She sits at the kitchen table sorting papers that have NO pictures, taps at that TV thing that doesn't even make sounds and her pens are boring colours like black and blue. Her children have to make their own fun, apparently - no playful parenting here.

The Angry Mother
She has a short fuse - but no one knows which spark is going to set it off. Transgressions are dealt with harshly and not quickly forgotten. There is yelling. There is intolerance. There is no allowance made for mitigating factors (such as being 2). Stay out of the way, play quietly and neatly and certainly, most certainly, do not whine. Whining around Angry Mother is like waving a bright red flag in front of an enormous, sharp-horned bull - very unwise.

The Worried Mother
With a vague sense that something is amiss, she frets over every detail. She watches her kids like a hawk for any symptom of whatever the diagnosis of the hour might be. She carefully weeds out undesirable toxins from foods, body care products and clothes - and scares off undesirable playmates too. Every new study is taken as the new truth - as long as it includes something new to be worried about. She spends more time researching than playing and certainly more time worrying than nuturing. Eye rolls commonly shadow her at playgroups.

The Devil-May-Care Mother
The other side of the Worried Mother coin is this mother. She knows all the same things as Worried Mother (well, many of them - Worried Mother does a lot of reading), but she's burnt out worrying about them all. And while Worried Mother sees headlines that show risk reduction in %, Devil-May-Care wonders how high the risk really is if everyone is doing it and their kids are just fine. Rather than try to figure out what's important and what's not, she passes the cheesies to the 8-month-old and sips her red wine anytime.

The Lazy Mother
Her kids do nothing but watch TV all day, eating prepackaged foods on paper plates as they sip drink boxes. Their clothes are mismatched and unironed, their hair isn't brushed and no one is checking their teeth either. Her threats of discipline (if any) are as empty as the drawers as the laundry piles up. Plan your own crafts because she's certainly not getting the paint out for you.

There are more: the Self Absorbed Mother, the Tired Mother, the Overindulgent Mother.... but I think you get the point. Any parent who is honest enough could probably write a few of these - or see themselves in the ones I have. Just because we're all there at some point and it doesn't kill our kids, doesn't mean it's good for them or for us. Kids are resilient and they're built to thrive - but mothering matters, too.

A very wise friend responded this:

"I think I'm an ordinary human mother, who like all of us has good and bad moments. I don't think other mammals worry about whether they are good mothers or bad mothers, they just take care of their babies the best they can."
Here, here.

You can't believe everything you read

2009-06-07T10:50:00.004-04:00

I've been preoccupied with a story this week - and I've been trying to decide what it means. For a long time, I've followed themcdonaldfive blog about a family with three kids, the youngest a medically-fragile, beautiful 3 year old. I've been reading vigilantly thorough the spring as little Dakota has had a string of health problems and things looked pretty dire. Then, the unthinkable happened: someone sent me this link. Emily Beth McDonald, 23, was arrested after allegedly smearing feces in her daughter's central line, causing a series of serious life-threatening blood infections.
My first reaction was to think that this is what you get when you believe what you read on the internet - I felt silly and duped for having worried and empathized. I wondered whether it makes sense to spend my time reading blogs and twittering with other mothers. But, I suppose it's true that any abuser would gets away with their behaviour is doing so secretly and has a good front story - or they'd never get away with it to begin with. This woman had tricked a good many people in her real life as well as with her internet persona. Her light, beautiful pictures and apparently honest, straightforward recounting of day-to-day life were easy to enjoy - the triumph of family over adversity. Of course, the allegations currently only relate to the last few weeks - so who knows how long it has been going on or in what ways the increasing attention she and her blog were getting fed into her attention-seeking.
Annie, over at PhD in Parenting wrote a post this week about "bad mothers" and parentcentral.ca had a feature on it. I've been thinking a lot about that in light of Emily McDonald and her family. How good mothers turn bad, how we judge each other and how we protect each others babies when bad really means evil. Hug your babies tight and keep your eyes open.

Planting the seeds to share the harvest

2009-06-01T11:16:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow, June 2, is National Hunger Awareness Day: what are you doing to address hunger in your community?

Isabelle has been quite enjoying our little vegetable growing project - while growing it herself hasn't induced her to actually eat lettuce, she's pretty into it and so am I. Thanks to my friend, Rosemary (@sufficiency) I heard about the Plant A Row/Grow A Row project where gardeners plant an extra row to donate to the hungry.

Sounded like a great little project for us - and my parents donate a little space in their garden to do it. Especially with the news this week about the food banks hitting records (not good records), I hope our little project leads to a healthy harvest.

Red Cabbage:

Tomato Plants:

Sweet & Hot Peppers:

Broccoli:

Turnip Seedlings:

The whole shebang:

If you've already planted your garden and would still like to do this, try just desginating a little portion of the garden - it's surprisingly satisfying to feel like there's a bigger purpose to all that weeding. Anything can be donated, but it's most effective to stick to vegetables that don't require refrigeration after harvest and can keep for a few days.

You can find details of your local program here: http://www.growarow.org/indexENG.htm. In Toronto, the City has created a brochure to help you plan your row and figure out how to get it to those in need: http://www.toronto.ca/health/plant_a_row.pdf.

Because that's what mammal means

2009-05-31T11:06:00.000-04:00

This is my favourite picture from our 'safari' adventure: this wasn't the smallest baboon nursing, it seems he was more of a 'toddler' nursling.

And he had all the same mannerisms that human toddler seem to show: wanted to nurse on her hip, head leaning against her shoulder as he watched the world go by.

Wordless Wednesday - Outing to Home Depot aka We must get out more

2009-05-27T13:44:00.003-04:00

Bake Sale

2009-05-25T17:32:00.006-04:00

Our LLL Annual Garage & Bake Sale is coming up this weekend and I need some fresh ideas on what to make. My old standby is the cream scone loosely adapted from the Joy of Cooking and some of my mom's Mincemeat Bran Muffins (I call them Raisin Spice for marketing purposes - learned that the first year).

Mom's Mincemeat Muffins (makes 22-24 muffins)

2 eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 cups buttermilk/sour cream
1 1/2 cups mincemeat
1 1/4 cups All-Bran Cereal
2 cups all purpose flour (can also do a mix of whole wheat/all purpose)
2 tsp each baking powder and baking soda
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 and grease or line muffin tins. Mix together wet ingredients. Mix together dry ingredients - add to wet ingredients and mix until just combined (will be lumpy). Don't overmix divide evenly among muffin tins - Mom always used an ice cream scoop and it's the perfect size. Bake 20-25 minutes. Serve warm or room temperature. Batter can also be kept up to two weeks in fridge before baking and baked muffins freeze very well.

Ok - so hit me with your best bake sale recipe!

Family Outing - Model Steam Trains

2009-05-24T22:52:00.005-04:00

I had never heard of these before, but my friend Jenn's little guy loves trains and so she's in the know about all these things. There are people whose hobby it is to build miniature steam engines that they run on tracks - and you can ride them!

We went out to the Hamilton Museum of Steam & Techonology today and spent a lovely morning riding the trains. We also checked out a Meccano demonstration and a remote control boat demonstration (yeah, it tends to the nerdy, um, scientifically-minded crowd). Thank you, Golden Horseshow Live Steamers!

The whale "driver" told me to line up my camera on Tom as he approached and I got this great sequence:

Whale! Ahoy!

Hmmm... the whale has a sprayer.

But he's wearing a little hat - must be a friendly whale.

Help! I'm taking fire! Hostile whale! Hostile whale!

Humph - let's go look at the trains again. They don't have sprayers.

Friday Five - 5 Annoying Baby Products

2009-05-22T22:11:00.003-04:00

Adiri Nurser: Yeah, so just because it looks like a breast does not mean that it is anything like a breast. Babies don't develop nipple confusion because bottles don't look like boobies, they develop it because the mechanics of bottle-feeding are completely different from those of breastfeeding. Period. Save yourself the very expensive cost of these (apparently leaky) bottles.

Car Seat Carrier: There are so many ergonomic problems with carrying a swinging infant car seat that I don't think we even need to address the fact that car seats are meant for transporting babies in cars and there's an increasing understanding of the dangers of leaving babies in seats for extended periods. To say nothing of the potential stress something like this might place on the seats. Just pick up you baby and check the seat.

Udder Covers: While I'm all for anything that helps breastfeeding moms, I can't accept that referring to my "udders" is anything less than stupid and demeaning. Same with Hooter Hiders. The one plus is that these loud, graphic patterns do bring attention to how many moms are breastfeeding out there - which is something you can miss when they just pull up their t-shirt and their baby nurses.

Baby Bling Pacifiers: Multiples issues here - first, what about a beautiful, angelic baby screams stuff a loud, sparkly plug in my mouth? Second, given that it is in a baby's mouth, are all these nooks and crannies really hygenic? And isn't it insane to spend $20+ on something that you are nearly 100% sure to lose?

Milk Maid Bottle Holder: With everything we know about human attachment, how is it even legal to sell these things? Put aside the obvious safety concerns with leaving an infant like this - this is inhumane. The 'argument' I've seen in favour of these is that they allow parents of multiples or parents with disabilities to feed their babies without extra help. I don't buy it - if an infant can't be fed with love, then you need human hands to help, not these.

Wordless Wednesday - Spring First Harvest - Baby Greens

2009-05-13T22:48:00.000-04:00

Kids aren't grimy, their schools are

2009-05-11T17:32:00.002-04:00

It seems like the swine flu (A.K.A. H1N1, aporkalypse, snoutbreak and hamdemic) has lost the collective interest of the media - or perhaps I've just stopped listening because there was nothing interesting being printed about it anymore. Like most big crises, the first wave of hysteria passed quickly and time will tell whether it was warranted or not.
In the lull, it does end up that something very interesting has come to light that matters whether the swine flu is the next 1918 virus or not. Since SARS, we've done a fairly good job of impressing the importance of handwashing - which controls the spread not only of potentially serious illnesses like influenza (of all kinds), but also common colds, stomach bugs and all manner of annoying and time-consuming illnesses. I'm consistently disappointed to see the flu vaccine touted as the primary step in public health campaigns, but simple public hygiene has made inroads. The fact that there's currently no vaccine for the swine flu leaves only hygiene to prevent the spread and I think that's a good thing no matter what - it doesn't matter whether you have a vaccine that works if you prevent the spread to begin with, after all.
I worked in a large office building in Toronto during the SARS outbreak - it was an eye opener for many workers to realize how much simple hygiene could be improved. Suddenly, cleaners wiped down door handles and bathrooms several times a day - and it made you think about why that wasn't done before. Standards rose and stayed that way (at least in our building) because businesses and the workers they employed realized how simple steps could help contain all kinds of grossness.
This time around I work out of my safe little home cocoon, so I'm not worried about grimy elevator buttons. However, Isabelle is in junior kindergarten (society's largest Petri dish) and the outbreak has brought to light serious deficiencies in hygiene within the school. In an informal poll of my mommy circle, it appears that few of us know how often schools are thoroughly cleaned or bathrooms disinfected. While handwashing is a key, in many schools, bathrooms are poorly stocked or kept in a state of disrepair. Children may avoid using them entirely, meaning that they go an entire day without rinsing the building eco-system of germs off their hands. A good discussion of this was on the parentcentral.ca section of the Toronto Star today: http://ow.ly/6gnd
In other cases, teachers and students end up relying primarily on hand sanitizer because of a lack of facilities - alcohol based hand sanitizers are not the same as hand washing and while they may be safe for an occasional use, try licking your hand after using some and see if that's what you'd want on your preschooler 6 times a day.
Parents of children in their first years of school have learned to expect a year or two of next constant illness running through their house - because, we assume, kids have bad hygiene habits and there's no way around it. Well, having seen enough snotty, drippy noses on the playground and sneezes into the communal cookie plate, I can concede that kids are definitely at a disadvantage over office workers. So, why then, do we freak out about elevator buttons and copy machines, but few of us know how often the counters in the boys' room get disinfected or the tissues are replaced? The very few who have any idea wouldn't be too happy with the answer.

Friday Five

2009-05-08T13:20:00.003-04:00

Tamiflu safe for pregnant and breastfeeding women, in a pandemic.

UK Babies to get new growth charts - new as in from the WHO in 2005, but still better than Canadian and US babies most of whom get measured on charts based on formula-fed babies from the 1960s. Courtesy of our friends at Big Pharma.

Probiotics in pregnancy and lactation could reduce obesity in women - interesting idea. I'm a big fan of encouraging gut health to reduce the risk of allergy-triggering proteins passing into the bloodstream then breastmilk... but this is another reason to pay attention to how we digest, not just what we do.

Pumping doesn't replace respect and rights for working mothers.

Protein content may contribute to obesity difference between breastfed and formula-fed infants. Uh, yes, because baby cow's need less lactose and more protein.

Oh, my aching nipples - on grating teeth and gratitude

2009-05-07T01:12:00.004-04:00

The term eruption is a good one to describe teeth coming in. Especially the molars of a toddler - he's erupting all over the place. When we were at the dentist last week, she commented that he had one just peeking through the gum and another one working on it, so we might be in for a bad week. I smugly thought, 'ha! my kids don't complain - the first I noticed Isabelle's tooth was when it bit into my finger!" I should know better than to be smug about anything by now, but I'm not.

Tom has been nursing and asking to nurse constantly since yesterday - it's like having a newborn all over again. Oh, except that newborns don't have front teeth... And they don't want to watch "Max & Ruby" while they nurse - well, maybe they do, but they get CBC Newsworld instead. And they certainly don't try to walk around while nursing...Oy, my nipples! the amber teething necklace is out again - and seemed to help a bit - but all he wants is na-nas really.

On the positive side, newborns can't tell you where it hurts... Tom can and does "My mowf hoits hee-ah"(translation: My mouth hurts here) as he points very precisely to the red bulging gum. None of the worry about mystery suffering that plagues the early weeks of mothering. There's also none of the switching sides doubt that also plagued my early weeks - the books suggest "when they are done", but what on earth does that mean??? Are they done? What if they fall asleep? What if the breast still doesn't feel "empty"? What if they are in marathon nurse and both feel empty? Oh, no, none of that with the nursing toddler - he'll tell me he wants the 'big one' and switch sides himself when it's 'that na-na is all done'.

A newborn does have the advantage of looking remarkably appealing in the "drunk with milk" coma - we used to sit up and revel in Isabelle lying between us, with a pool of milk around her mouth, as sedated as if we'd shot her up with valium (ok, maybe not quite). A toddler generally doesn't allow for any such waste of his precious milk... and Tom's particularly irritating habit of guarding/prepping the opposite side is one that I haven't yet been able to break. But, there's possibly nothing more heart-melting to a mother than the gentle pat of his little hand as he nurses his pain away - or the sweetness in his wide eyes as he nods a yes when asked "Good milk?".

There are times when nursing a toddler seems nuts - inconvenient, time-consuming and hardly worth the rolling eyes and ever-higher rising eyebrows (yes, I do see them though I'm now a master ignoring them). You'd think that at the end of a day like today, weaning would seem an appealing option.

But that I can still give him this familiar comfort on this ouchy, grumpy, all out of sorts day is a gift to him and to myself. It's a gift that mothers who wean 'when they get teeth', 'when they can ask for it' or 'when they're 3months/6 months/a year' don't ever get the chance to receive. It's a gift that he can tell me know with words that my milk is good, sweet and "wah-umm" (warm) in his belly. It's a gift that he has learned patience to wait and compassion not to hurt even though it feels good to him - and that I have learned patience to give when I could withhold and compassion to give though it does hurt. I am grateful today above other days for my curly-headed, foot stamping, loud talking acrobatic nursling... and I know he is grateful for me.

On guilt and the breastfeeding police

2009-05-06T01:30:00.001-04:00

There's a lot of guilt involved in mothering - not least when it comes to how and what we feed our babies. A constant tension among breastfeeding advocates is ensuring that mothers are getting the information they need to make the right decision for their babies, while respecting their authority as parents and not devaluing their experience. It's heavy emotional stuff - and never straightforward.

For some out there, enough has been said about breastfeeding - anything further is meant to guilt and shame mothers into making the consensus choice. I have trouble with this on a number of fronts.

First, the notion that every new parent knows about breastfeeding and the risks of formula is absurd to anyone who spends any time discussing these issues with mothers. Front-line contacts from obstetricians to nurses to family doctors and pharmacists ought to be the foundations for good decisions, but too often they provide information that is out of date, coloured by their own professional bias or simply incorrect. Mothers need accurate information about the importance of breastfeeding and how to maximize chances of success: somewhat by definition, this means being clear about the consequences of not breastfeeding.

Second, while I believe strongly that a woman must determine the use of her own body, the 'personal choice' argument isn't quite so strong to me when it comes to breastfeeding. A mother who has chosen to birth and raise her child takes with that joy a burden of care - a child isn't owned, she is entrusted. Every baby deserves to be breastfed - as parents, we do countless things that are hard, uncomfortable and intrusive to care for our babies and children. Breastfeeding through challenges is no different than enduring the aches, pains and indignities that pregnancy brings - except that the pay-off is immediate.

Third, because breastfeeding is the biological norm, practices that encourage breastfeeding are good for babies and mothers whether they are ultimately successful at breastfeeding or not. Birth practices that empower women to remain in control of their bodies and their babies, engaging experienced empathetic attendants and post-partum care that recognizes the unique mother-baby dyad are the first steps to avoid many of the problems that lead to frustration and failure of breastfeeding relationships. But they are also the first steps to nuturing the mother so that she can in turn nuture her baby and feel confidence in her competence in that new role.

Advocates for breastfeeding whether health care professionals, volunteers or simply interested parents end up taking a lot of flack that's largely undeserved. We don't get any kind of bonus for helping a mother to breastfeed, spending hours encouraging her or researching a particularly thorny issue. Nor, to my knowledge, are there any posses hunting down formula-feeding mothers in public places to shame them or door-to-door solicitors trying to recruit pregnant women. There are many more mothers needing help and support than public health departments, clinics and La Leche League volunteers can help - they don't need to hunt them down.

Why don't we focus our collective energies on supporting mothers so that their pain and guilt can be avoided entirely?

PJ solution revealed

2009-04-29T20:56:00.004-04:00

I have a thing about natural fibres, especially for the kids and especially for nightwear. It turns out for us that this is a good instinct, because Isabelle gets awful, itchy rashes when she overheats at night. It only took us a whole winter to figure out that fleece footed pjs weren't good for her - we're a little slow on the uptake sometimes (I suspected shrimp).

I used to love a company called Hanna Andersson - still do for lots of things. Their playdresses are a staple around here. But since they were bought out a couple years ago, they've changed the fit on their famous "zippers" and long johns so that they're tighter than a wet suit on a whale.

Yes, before you start emailing me, I know it's a safety standard designed to protect kids from catching fire near open flames. I also know that instead of wrestling my little ones into skin tight cotton pjs, I could instead buy pjs made of polyester (but see above) or buy cotton ones coated in toxic chemicals many of which are known carcinogens.

So you can see why Isabelle is wearing pjs that are so small we had to cut the feet off and Tom prances around in his sister's pink nighties and old-style 'zippers' (in addition to his dad-inherited dandiness). My mom has also been called into duty to sew some pjs, but other than nightie, each one is a lot of work.

My dad came over today with 100% cotton pjs, not treated and I couldn't figure it out. They were called "loungewear" and were European brands (Petit Lem)! ah-ha! So that's the secret - I'm stocking up before the pj police figure it out!

Mom was right - WASH YOUR HANDS

2009-04-28T13:08:00.001-04:00

With all this talk about swine flu, I had a brief moment where I wondered whether I had doomed us all to death by vetoing the flu vaccine - what's a little mecury compared with a deadly pandemic virus? In my past life as an employee benefits manager, I did lots of planning work on pandemic preparedness. I have had plenty of exposure to the doomsday scenarios that most people are just beginning to think about again.

Well, I'm feeling a little better now - it looks like the flu vaccine will have no impact on the swine flu. So, I haven't doomed us... I think.

And I have taught the kids some good lessons that should serve them well. It's the same stuff I always sent out the flu vaccine clinic emails at work - I felt ethically obligated to do something that would actually be likely to keep our employees from getting sick since I was inviting them to get stuck with a needle that probably wouldn't).

- Wash your hands frequently with mild soap and water. Washing hands is less irritating to your skin and highly effective - bacteria and viruses don't 'stick' well and water will wash away germs that are not killed.
- Alcohol-based hand sanitizers can be a back-up when there's no running water - but proper washing is always best. Frequent use can be irritating and cause cracking skin (not good when you are trying to keep germs out of your body, plus ouch!). Use only as needed, rub hands well and stick to unscented versions that are at least 60% ethyl alcohol. Rinse your hands as soon as you can thereafter, too.
- Cough into your elbow - not your hands.
- Don't shake hands if you are ill and politely decline if someone appears ill (pretend you are sick).
- After contact with others or surfaces in public places, avoid touching your mouth, nose and eyes. Many viruses (like colds) are easily introduced to your body from your fingertips to your eyes because by rubbing your eyes you circumvent many of the bodies natural barricades to infection. Pay attention!
- Finally, if you are ill, stay home. As important as each of you are, if you fell your entire department with that nasty cold, you'll all regret it more than using up a sick day.

My rockin' Saturday night

2009-04-27T08:56:00.002-04:00

Friday 5

2009-04-24T13:17:00.003-04:00

A woman in Australia is awarded damages of almost A$50,000 after a 2003 sexual assault results in nipple damage that makes breastfeeding difficult.

Leave it to the AAP to claim defamation for being called more ethical than they actually are.

Nice to see things are changing in the back rooms of Washington - but no talk of seeing mothers nursing their babies where they belong - the front halls.

Hopefully, it's the beginning of a trend that sees cosmetic surgery on newborn boys stopped in our public hospitals.

I'm all for research that improves the well-being of babies, but do we really need research to tell us that cow's milk (no matter how scientifically packaged) is designed to meet the nutritional needs of.... calves?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T14:04:00.001-04:00

Mother's Day Gifts on every budget, including $0

2009-04-19T15:28:00.002-04:00

Top Gifts at 3 prices
The top gifts for any mom at three price points (for any giver, including those who can't yet count).
Bathtime...Alone
Free: A home-made gift certificate for an interruption-free bath at the time of Mom's choosing.
Under $10: Add one or two magazines. Think People, not the Economist, here. (Unless your mom finds the Economist relaxing, in which case, I'd like to meet her).
Under $50: Add some great bath essence or bath products. For a year's worth of inspiring bathtimes, give her a subscription to Mothering magazine.
Style in transition
Free: Take the ratty old underwear, spit-up stained t-shirts and bras that are like thongs to the post-pregnancy breast and get RID of them.
Under $10: One of those cotton scarves that are so a la mode this spring, some hair clips or even a pretty new lipstick/nail polish can go a long way to brightening up a dreary t-shirt and yoga pants wardrobe.
Under $50: Buying clothes for a body in flux (which is pretty much from conception to oh, menopause) is tough. Jeans that are tight in all the wrong places and shirts that bulge open over the lactating breasts are one thing, but just as demoralizing are the baggy pants and too big underwear! Stick to something that will freshen up her look no matter what point on the continuum she is: the Belleze Band is just the ticket with lots of style (and a hidden adjustible waist).
Looking for more ideas? Have some great ones to share?

April Snow

2009-04-07T01:41:00.001-04:00

"It's snowing, Mum - LOOK!" she says with all the awe of her very first snowfall. I am having more trouble getting excited about this unexpected spring bounty. When spring officially arrived, we were off in Florida - and Isabelle seems to have taken the notions about seasonal weather patterns as hard rules. This means that in winter, it is cold and it snows. In spring, it is sunny and a bit warm and there are flowers. In summer, it is hot and we swim. In fall, it is cool and the leaves fall off the trees. And all the myriad parts of nature obey our calendar exactly.
But having some 30-odd Toronto Aprils under my belt, I know that there's always at least one good snowfall in April. My birthday is at the end of the month (32 this year for anyone wondering how odd odd is) and I can recall there being snow on the ground - and not just way back when we walked to school for 5 miles uphill both ways.
To be 5 again. To think that the world is governed by absolute rules. I remember being quite unnerved when Trudeau was replaced by Mulroney. We weren't a particularly politically active family, but my mom had a place in her heart for the dapper intellectual who could cut a rug and it was a fairly big deal. I thought Prime Ministers were like kings and ruled until they died - age has taught me that we are very lucky that my five year old vision of absolute monarchy was wrong. Fresh blood is a good thing - a notion that's probably lost on a five year old to whom everything is fresh.
Back to the snow - it's pretty really. And fun. And telling - in the summer, I'd never be able to see the bird prints that hopped across the front porch, then down the steps and around the house, eating up the goldfish crakers crumbs we trailed in yesterday or the squirrel prints leading suspiciously up to my empty bird feeder. Hey, if it's going to be cold, I'd rather have snow to entertain us.

Chocolate = good, child exploitation = bad: how to reconcile them?

2009-04-06T22:21:00.003-04:00

Chocolate is always good, but not the people who sell it.

Nestle's poor record on infant feeding isn't the only way they harm families and children. I learned of the ugly side of the chocolate industry just recently - it's very disturbing to think that the things that make my kids so happy (COCO-lat!) begin with the cruel exploitation of others.

http://www.globaltv.com/globaltv/globalshows/16x9/video.html?releasePID=zmaBgsMKx99bR0pfnAf_OacJ0Ybsbpn_

So, this Easter, it's all fair trade for us - and that's ok because it's also higher quality chocolate than the waxy junk!

The birthday season - next cake

2009-04-06T21:33:00.004-04:00

So I was all ready to build Isabelle a castle cake for her birthday - when she tells me firmly that she wants a princess crown cake. Hmmm... ok - change of plans then. I was feeling particularly pressured to produce a stellar cake because a. she's five and b. since we just got back the day before her birthday and I forgot that many bakeries are closed on Mondays, I ended up showing up to her class with No Frills-purchased cupcakes (hang head in shame).

This was the final result: top was lemon, middle was chocolate and bottom was vanilla. The crown was fondant - this was Crown 3.0 after the first two versions didn't do very well.

Drinking with the devil

2009-04-04T21:19:00.001-04:00

Welcome to the Baby Feeding & Change Area... sponsored by Nestle Good Start. Huh? I guess I live in a relatively sheltered bubble where most people know (if not adhere to) the Nestle boycott and are marginally aware of the issues involved (even if they don't care about them that much).

But, man, does it ever give you a sense of the insanity of the commercial machine when you have a chance to see the world from the other side. Nestle and baby care are at complete odds - not just in the developing world, but here at home too. There's nothing wholesome about their products or the way they make them - but in so many places, they're the only voice.

I had an adorable interaction with a cashier at the Magic Kingdom - when she handed me the chocolate milk, it was Nesquik. Seeing my face fall (I had promised chocolate milk to restless kiddos outside in exchange for sitting in the stroller for 5 more minutes), she asked if anything was wrong. I said, "Well, I prefer not to buy Nestle products." Long pause. "Because there's a global boycott of Nestle, you see." Longer pause, then she answered, "Oh really? I never heard of that - why?" "Well, because their marketing practices especially of infant formula are in conflict with international rules and that harms babies." Longer pause. "Oh, uh, ok. The TG good milk is better anyway." With a smile. Gotta love the optimism.

Disney Pooplosions

2009-04-02T16:03:00.000-04:00

So I'm sure you've all been on pins and needles waiting for the Disney report. And I am pleased to say it was an excellent trip - despite both of us being a little apprehensive about the Disney-ness of Disney.

Isabelle adored, simply adored, being called "Princess" - all the more common after she obtained all the necessary princess get-up. What, me, buy a Disney costume? Well, there's a little more to it. The first day we spent at Epcot ("why do they call it an apricot?" "No, Isabelle, it's Epcot." "Oh, ok, apple-cot. Why do they call the ball an apple-cot". This conversation continued through the remainder of the trip.)

I don't know if it was the "Cokes" of the world exhibit: despite my addicition to pop, Isabelle has largely been sheltered from it. Yet, I somehow thought it was a good idea to fill her chockful of high-fructose corn syrup from around the globe. Suffice it to say, I would not recommend intorducing your child to pop while she is wearing white pants. Especially when the evening that follows is dinner with the princesses... and you have no change of clothes.

I can't recall another time that I have been more paralyzed with absolutely no idea what to do. It was clear as soon as we coaxed her out from under the table that there had been a poop-plosion. A major one. Yet, we had no change and no sweaters to wrap around her. And she was far too poopy to pick up...

So, I followed her closely behind as she waddled out of the castle and Dan paid the bill. She couldn't sit, but she also couldn't stand - and it was very uncomfortable. I felt so badly for her. She felt so badly for her. "Mommy, help me!" And really honestly, the only thing I could say was the truth, "I am going to make it better, but I really really don't know what to do." Finally Dan came out and I unfroze. I went across the way, brought a $50 (!) Cinderella dress and whisked her into the ladies' room. (Well, to the extent that you can "whisk" a five year old with poop running down her leg while trying to provide back cover for her).

I can only imagine what people must have thought was going on in that stall - I am nauseous just to think of it. It definitely was the grossest bathroom moment in my personal history. But we got her cleaned up and into the princess dress - that went a long way to healing the humiliation. The poop outfit - brand-new pants and all went directly in the garbage.

Fun times. In addition to be an excellent reminder of what happens when little bodies are given crap to eat, it was also a humbling moment for me. Five years in and I by and large think I pretty well know what I'm doing with this parenting thing - but kids will know just how to cut you down to size.

Hamburger Cake

2009-03-10T03:21:00.000-04:00

Having nothing at all to do with anything, but this was a fun little cake I made for my sister in law's 15th birthday. Really easy to make - just a white cake in two layers sprinkled with sesame seeds, bound with "condiment" icing and with a choclate or brownie patty. I added a few fondant embellishments: "cheese" and "lettuce" and voila! Fun.

2009-02-27T02:33:00.001-05:00

Twitter Moms: The Influential Moms Network

2009-02-22T01:58:00.003-05:00

Guaranteed to make you laugh until your sides hurt, especially if you've ever struggled through the white stuff.

Warning, the language isn't entirely G-rated (whose is in these cases?).

As a good friend suggested, this woman really needs to get in touch with her inner babywearer. Enjoy!

Rui (the bad dog) and Barney

2009-02-17T12:38:00.006-05:00

Have you ever read the book Marley & Me by John Grogan? If you're the owner of a bad dog (as I am), it's a good book to read. Now, I'm not talking about a dog who is bad in the sense of being mean or dangerous or even ill-tempered. I'm talking about the dogs who love too much and live in the moment... to their detriment and that of their families. Pick it up, really - the movie is ok, but the book will have you laughing out loud even if you've never even petted a dog, much less shared your couch with one.

I'm sure you've been waiting with bated breath for the outcome of Tom's purple dinosaur cake. As usual, it was a fair amount of work, but turned out pretty well... I took a couple pictures of Barney I before heading to the grocery store to pick up a little more icing sugar to finish him off.

Notice that I called him Barney I... this would imply that there are more Barneys to come. I did not know he was Barney I when I left him in the middle of the kitchen table. I also did not realize that Rui (the bad dog) was in the house free. I learned about these facts when I returned to this:

I'd like to pretend that I was all zen about it, but I wasn't. Frankly, I might have committed canicide (is that right?) had I been able to catch him. I knew there was something wrong when he didn't greet me at the door - I defy any one who says dogs don't feel guilt to explain it. And this is the look of a very guilty dog:

So, I started again, this time with no time for piping buttercream - the fondant was ok, but rushed. Here is Barney II:

He was a hit and the demise of Barney I made for a good story. Rui (the bad dog) remained contrite and I think he suffered for his dietary indiscretion. At least, we suffered the gas that came from digesting a pound of butter mixed with about 1kg of icing sugar.

Would you breastfeed a kitten?

2009-02-16T12:37:00.001-05:00

Further to my post about cross-nursing, it's been a topic of crazy hot discussion these days. In the typical way that these things go, some of the conversations are going to extremes. One such discussion went something like this:
T: "Well, if you'd breastfeed another woman's baby, what about another animal?"
Me: "Uh... well, most animals are pretty good at nursing their own babies and there are artificial formulas made up especially for various species." (feeling suddenly very protective of my nipples!)
T: "Ok, but you're stuck in a cabin with a litter of kittens whose mother just died. No formula, no cow's milk. Would you then?"
(I love these conversations, don't you?)
Me: Eye roll. " So basically, would I rather nurse these kittens or sit there while they died a painful, horrible death that I could easily prevent? That's your question? Do they have teeth?"
T: "Yes."
Me: "Hmmm....". I need to get out of the conversation without looking like murderous maniac or a nutjob who would have kittens suckling at her teat... it's not easy.
T: "So?"Me: "Ah-ha! Kittens that small would need very little milk and I could express it for them and let them lap in from a cup. So, ha! There, they don't die and I don't get scratch marks on the girls."
Necessity really is the mother of invention.

I heart Salma Hayek

2009-02-13T12:33:00.002-05:00

I never really cared about Salma Hayek one way or another, but now I love her. Her simple act of nursing a needy baby has brought to light a bunch of important issues around infant and maternal health. The cynics may call it a photo op, but what else are UN Ambassadors supposed to do? There's been lots and lots of discussion about this in mommy circles and that's a good thing.
So, of course, I was chatting with an acquaintance today and the subject came up. She asked me if I'd nurse another woman's baby or allow mine to be breastfed by someone else: I've come to this one step at a time, but today the answer is yes, provided that I was reasonably comfortable about the other mother's health. For some time, I considered cross-nursing to be an emergency only measure - like in a natural disaster where formula wasn't available. But if you think about it without the cultural qualms we've all developed, the risks of formula feeding so far exceed the risk of disease transmission that it's not logical. So then my position became that if mother and baby had to be separated for an emergency or mom couldn't nurse for medical reasons, then cross-nursing was ok. Does that really make either though? What about babies whose mothers need/want to work? Should those babies be subjected to the risks of formula feeding? I'm a big believer that babies need their mothers, not just for nutrition and comfort, but in and of themselves. However, every family needs to make their own choices about separations and that shouldn't have to steal the benefits of breasfeeding from that baby.
So, there we go, it wouldn't take too much for me to end up as a cross-nurser, but I haven't done it yet. Have you?

The birthday season - the cake drama part I

2009-02-05T19:46:00.002-05:00

It's birthday season at our house - starting February, one of us has a birthday every month. Tom's 2nd birthday has snuck up on me - I've been much more focussed on Isabelle's Valentine's and planning her birthday. He doesn't really have any independent friends and let's be honest, when you're two, more kids is really just more competition for toys and treats. So, we'll be doing something pretty low-key with some friends and family... which suits me fine.
The only trick is that when our godsons were born, oh, 7 years ago (!), I started a bit of tradition of making cool cakes for their first couple birthdays. The bear cakes have been very popular (see pics) as have some of the variation on bears. The complication, of course, is that when I started this, I didn't have my own kids to work around. Cake-making is a time-sensitive and detail-heavy task. Funny thing about kids, they are also very time-sensitive: "Mama, water!" is not a request, but an urgent, desperate plea (or so it seems). They are also very detail-oriented in some ways: "No, not that yogurt, that one!" They are the same yogurt, but on one package the picture is not facing out. Yet, precision is not a skill they've yet acquired, so offers to help are really offers to make a big mess and then get offended when it is cleaned up.
Sigh.
So back to my cake dilemma... My dear husband, ever the pragmatist and with none of the maternal guilt that weighs me down, kindly suggests that we buy a cake. This would be logical - the kids would be happy, I would be better rested and not sick from licking a pound of icing off my fingers. But what does he know? Instead, I've come up with a plan to build the best bear variation to date - Barney the Dinosaur!
This is foolish - it involves purple and green fondant. It also involves affixing cupcakes to a bear with toothpicks. Given that, I think you can likely expect that it will also include swearing and some tears. I'll keep you posted.

Bacon Explosion

2009-02-01T20:45:00.001-05:00

There are no words....

The sound of music

2009-01-22T00:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting outside Isabelle's music class - behind the door, I can hear the cheerful pixie piano going and the trample of little feet across the wooden floor. Stay at home motherhood is funny - this weekly hour as I sit and wait for her class is a quiet break when I can write and think or just play brickbreaker on my cellphone. Or it would be if this week was not also music exams at the conservatory. As I type, a poor examiner is witnessing a crime against violins being comitted in the next room. I don't know how bad it must sound in there, but I'm about ready to go in there with a pair of scissors and snip every hair on that bow, so the examiner may be hard of hearing if he's let it go on this long.
Dan and I were talking about this the other day. Growing up, I didn't have much interest in music and it wasn't particularly encouraged: the result being that I can't dance and my sister gently suggested that it might be kinder to the kids if I played CDs for them instead of singing. Dan grew up in a very musical household - and he has the piano skills to prove it. Yet, he doesn't have all warm fuzzies about those early experiences either.
Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle the years of noise that it takes to be a competent player. I don't know if I want to be trucking the kids around to all the different lessons or monitor the praticing on top of homework. I worry that their time is already so structured and there are other things (like sports) that are important to their development too. And what if they've taken the wrong combination, inheriting none of their father's talent, all of my tone deafness and yet his confidence to play blythely in front of crowd. An American Idol disaster in the making.

Happiest place on earth...

2009-01-17T00:27:00.000-05:00

Almost 5 years ago to the day, Dan and I left Disney World vowing never to return. The trip had been too much for us: too much junk food, too many jingles, too much happiness, too much... well, everything. Today, I also booked yet another 10-day Disney trip. We didn't start down this path when we started thinking about getting away with the kids in the winter.
We toyed with the idea of doing a winter trip - I much prefer a snowy afternoon spent by the fire to an afternoon in the blazing sun on the beach. I could trade guacamole for hot chocolate. Between pregnancy and breastfeeding infants, haven't been able to get much skiing done in the past 5 years - I don't really know if any of my gear still fits (though good sense would say no). Neither kidlet skies yet and we learned when Isabelle was 2 that having a nanny tag along is bad news (I threatened to take the train home by the time we arrived in Montreal, I believe). So, it wouldn't be much of a family vacation. To say nothing of the fact that half the reason I hate winter is the bundling and unbundling of children - for the uninitiated, it's similar to the effort require to dress two very large and ill-tempered cats in the same get-up, only the cats have the dexterity to undress while you are dressing the other. I have considered putting on the snowsuits backwards, but it would only buy me a little time.
Our family trips have thus far been to all-inclusive resorts in the south - Mexico mostly, though we gave st. Lucia a whirl last time. While these are fun and Isabelle is finally able to go to the kids' clubs, it's pretty exhausting. Again, since neither kidlet is safe in the water alone, there's a lot of hands-on play time. Not that it's not fun, but the "wheeee" appeal of the slide wears off a lot faster on grown-ups than kids... like a 100 times faster. And I have a weird fear of the kids getting sucked out to sea, so the sand/surf part is primarily anxiety-inducing in me. (Every parent has their thing, don't judge me).
I also kicked around doing something more exotic - maybe a cool eco-lodge in the Ecuadorian jungle or a beach resort on an atoll an hour off the Belizean coast. Dan nixed both ideas - anything that put a float plane or jet boat between us and a basic emergency clinic was a little adventurous to be sure. Especially, since on our last Mexican vacation, I was the one who hauled us up to the in-house doctor for a bug bite. "What kind of bug?", I asked. "Snr. Branco, this is Mexico, there are a lot of bugs but I do not know all their names," was the doctor's patient reply.
So, the criteria was somewhere warm (no snowsuits), somewhere fun for the kids, somewhere with enough variety of activity that we wouldn't get bored of their fun and somewhere reassuring professionals could be found in a moment of need. And oddly enough, Orlando seemed to fit the bill.
For a while, we pretended it wasn't a Disney trip, it was an Orlando trip - Disney would not be the focus, we'd just drop in. We chose a condo off-site, rented a car - Disney would be an activity on the trip... just one day, maybe two. Well, you know how this goes... you can't cover the whole Magic Kingdom or Epcot in a single day with two small kids. And, oh look at that, the Magic Passes (get used to the lingo or perish), cost the same for 3 days as 7 days. Isabelle, who has seen only one Disney movie in her whole life, was immediately dialled in - expecting to see Minnie Mouse and Cinderella right away. Would we see Belle and Ariel? Oh, and go to the Castle? See the fireworks? How did she learn about all this??
No matter, next thing I know I'm on hold with the Disney Reservation Centre making all our 'ADRs' (reservations) and hoping against hope that I can squeeze us in (more than two months in advance and it was dicey). Sheer insanity.
Let the Magic begin.

What's a weary parent to do?

2009-01-13T16:57:00.002-05:00

With the new recommendations out from Health Canada on cold medicines for children under age 6 and then today from other researchers on the dangers of menthol in chest rubs for infants, you may be feeling like there’s nothing you can do to make your ill child feel better.
Here are some ideas that we like around here (they’ve been getting lots of use lately):

Humidifier: while cool mist humidifiers are often recommended, I like the warm mist humidifiers better. Just be sure to air out the rooms well and be very careful to place the unit well aware from where it might be reached by little hands (it is boiling water).
Honey: for babies over a year only, a teaspoon of honey has been shown to be to more effective than cough syrup. (Honey isn’t recommended for babies under a year because of the risk of botulism spores in the honey attacking their wee immune systems).
Non-menthol chest balms: the trouble with Vicks and the like is primarily the menthol irritating the airways and causing an increase in thick mucous. This chest balm from Erbabviva contains no menthol, is all organic and is much milder on the skin.

Finally, hang in there – cold and flu season stinks, but it always ends. Try to look on the bright and think of all the extra cuddles you can get in now that your kids have been slowed down a bit.

Leave my Chunky Monkey alone!

2008-09-26T01:04:00.001-04:00

So I’m all for promoting the power of breastmilk, but this silly prank by PETA goes a little too far.
http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2008/09/25/peta-icecream.html
The most worrisome aspect of this is that the campaign fails to point out that the alternative to breastmilk for babies (formula) is made of cow’s milk. Presumably, babies whose mothers were producing breastmilk for the ice cream market would have to be fed something – and the tainted milk scandal in China has shown us that milk used for infant formula is no more protected than any other part of our food chain.
PETA, how about doing dairy cows and humans a favour by pointing out the “absurdity” of feeding the milk of another animal to a human infant?

La dolce vita - very, very dolce

2008-09-04T12:26:00.001-04:00

I grew up in an Italian household (well, half) and spent a lot of time with my family as kid and teenager. So, I thought I knew Italy and Italians… but being a parent in a foreign land is an eye-opening experience.
Italians pride themselves on their food and the quality of their cuisine. But their infant and child feeding practices are spectacularly different from those in North America.
While everyone I met was impressed that I was still nursing Thomas at 18 months, they were genuinely surprised that this was possible. Much as the theory that ‘latte materno’ is the best survives, in practice, it’s quite unusual to see mothers nursing in public and most women I met didn’t nurse past a few months.
Things got even weirder. At the grocery store, they sell powdered cookies – I thought I read it wrong, but no. The powder is mixed with milk and given to infants and toddlers (and sometimes preschoolers) in bottles. It’s like a very sweet, unfortified pablum I guess. They also sell powdered chamomile and melissa mixtures, meant to be mixed with water or formula to help baby sleep – something I had never seen here, but which is common there.
While fresh healthy food is prized, there’s far less focus on what’s in prepared products. Juices, yogurts and cookies almost universally contained artificial colours, flavours and shocking amounts of sugar. I found myself intervening daily to keep my 4-year old and 18 month-old from drinking the Coke being offered.
On the flip side, it is kind of neat to look at a baby food aisle and find the culture reflected in them. Jars of rabbit, veal and prosciutto puree stand next to jars of “latte e biscotti” (again with the cookies!). Did I forget to mention the trout and vegetables?
It was a good trip, but I’m glad to be back home, where the labels make sense to me and the only powdered cookies my kids eat are the crushed ones from the floor.

No more monkeys jumping on the bed

2008-05-22T01:36:00.000-04:00

How does that old nursery rhyme go? "One little fell off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said..." Well, we had a minor furniture malfunction last week with our bed, but we thought we had it fixed (well, Dan had it fixed - I held the mattress up). But seven years, two pregnancies, two babies, a toddler, a preschooler and the occassional insolent dog later and our poor bed gave up the ghost...

Unfortunately, it gave up while I was nursing Thomas and Isabelle was next to me - but fortunately we were all awake and no one was hurt. Dan tried to repair it, but it's no use - the old king had just seen too much living, I guess.

On the upside, now that our mattresses are sitting on the floor, I've discovered that the low bed gives a really open zen feeling to the room - the old four-poster was fun, but I'm really thinking the next frame is going to reflect what's changed since that first bed seven years ago - we're steadier, we're simpler and, in every sense, we're closer to the ground.

Breastfeeding Boosts IQ

2008-05-08T23:30:00.003-04:00

The big story this week about breastfeeding that a major study has confirmed that breastfed babies have higher IQs and that duration and intensity of breastfeeding have a cumulative positive effect. I'm happy for the researchers and that it got lots of press, but it's not exactly breaking news, folks.

The story that seems to be missed in all this is how mothers in the study were supported and the dramatic difference it made in breastfeeding rates. By using the Baby-Friendly Initiative model combining appropriate hospital policies, education and support, there was a dramatic difference in breastfeeding rates at every stage. Contrary to what some the news reports suggest, the BFI program is about supporting mothers and encouraging them to listen to their baby's cues as opposed to training them in some magic breastfeeding tricks.

It's unfortunate that this part of it has not gotten the attention that it deserves - it's not really helpful to be debating whether 5 IQ points matters in the long-run or not. Breastfeeding is the way babies were meant to be fed and this is good proof that their mothers can provide that for them when given a reasonable support system.

Kids do say the darndest things

2008-04-27T15:50:00.001-04:00

Like the jargon of any organized group, families all seem to have their own secret language that only the members share – and it’s the children who bring the unqiue words to us.

The funny little expressions they use as they are learning ways to express themselves are often fleeting, but sometimes they stick. Just ask my uncle, Carlo, who is still called “Caco” as my sister reaches her late twenties. It could have been worse, though I’m not sure that Coco would be much better than Caca.

Since these are so fleeting, I thought I’d take the chance now to share a few of Isabelle’s particularly cute or funny ones:

- greffast: as in “Daddy made me pancakes for greffast”

- dewey: not the decimal system, but rather “dirty”, now largely outgrown, but we heard it a lot during the fastidiously clean phase that preceded her current ‘devil may care’ hygiene rules

- eye-spy down: as in “pineapple eye-spy down cake”

- eye-spy up: the reverse of eye-spy down

- mamote control: oddly, Isabelle could say “télé-commande” in French well before she could say it in English and just recently dropped mamote term

So, readers, share your favourite cute ones with me…

Out of my bedroom

2008-04-25T22:31:00.001-04:00

Pierre Elliot Trudeau famously once said that the state did belong in the bedrooms of the nation. I’m increasingly beginning to believe that the medical establishment ought to stay out of them as well, at least as relates to how young families divide their sleeping quarters and activities.

Sleep (or lack of it) is the perennial topic of conversation among new mothers – it arises invariably and, like so many parenting topics, there are camps and there is limited overlap between them.

In broad strokes, the cry-it-out camp believes that infants/young children can be trained to sleep alone for long periods and teaching this is a parent’s duty. The family bed camp believes that infants/young children develop nighttime independence at their own pace and that parents should respond to their children’s needs whether the hour is reasonable or not. There are experts who claim to be somewhere in the middle, but frankly, either you think it’s ok to let a baby cry himself to sleep or you don’t and there’s not a lot of gray.

Three guesses which camp I fall into and the first two don’t count… Yes, our king-size bed is maxed out between the two of us, Thomas and sometimes Isabelle. Yes, there are times when Dan or I are hobbled because we spent the night with a strategically placed little foot between our ribs. For us, this is the way to maximize the total amount of sleep that we all get and still ensure that everyone’s needs are being met.

Bed-sharing isn’t necessary, but it’s a survival strategy – I don’t do sleep-deprivation gracefully. I recall standing in the hallway to our room when Isabelle was a few weeks old, asking Dan where he put the baby as she lay cradled in my arms. That was the night she came into our bed - until she set up shop in her big girl bed down the hall when she was a bit past two. This was around the same time she weaned

This is the part that frustrates me about the experts who suggest that co-sleeping is taboo and that babies should learn to self-soothe. It is entirely unreasonable to suggest that a parent (whether they are working outside the home or not) should be up and down the hall multiple times per night. The risk of falling asleep with baby in a chair or tripping on the stairs in exhaustion is obvious to anyone who has ever felt that kind of exhaustion.

It is also unreasonable to suggest that every baby is able to take the necessary nutrition in their waking hours and does not “need” to eat. I’ve now nursed two children into their second year and can tell you unequivocally that their nighttime nursing sessions are when their intake is highest. If the goal is to continue nursing until age 2 or beyond, as the evidence would suggest is best for mom and baby, health-care practitioners need to start recognizing that night nursing can be key to maintaining nursing in the busy toddler and stop treating normal nightwaking as a “sleep disorder”.

Do you have strategies for dealing with nighttime parenting?

BPA Bottle Returns: better late than never

2008-04-21T22:58:00.007-04:00

With Health Canada finally taking the sensible position on BPA, there are lots of worried parents out there, both because of what they may have been outwittingly exposed their children to and because of the significant cost of replacing all their bottles, sippy cups and even breast pumps. Add to this the fact that the #7 plastic is not easily recycled and most municipalities don't accept it and what you've got a big heap of garbage!

There is a huge long list of items that will now be on the "banned" list, but rest assured that if you have Medela pumps/bottles, you're fine.

On the other hand, if you have Avent, you can be sure that their #7 plastic does contain BPAs and that includes the Isis Hand Pump (which totally stinks, because I have one and really like it). Other manufacturers include: Dr. Brown's, Playtex and Gerber.

This blog has a pretty good explanation of what BPA is and why it's bad stuff: http://neilhubert.blogspot.com/2008/02/bpa-7-plastic-more-confusing-possibly.html

The whole thing really stinks, but there is some good news in all of it: Zellers, Wal-Mart and London Drugs have all agreed to offer store credit for the now-banned items. While it's only a store credit and it doesn't negate the hassle of returning them (or the worry at having used them at all), it's a good PR move on their part. No receipts or packaging - if you have trouble be sure to ask the store manager, as this is a national campaign.

Contests

2008-04-21T02:00:00.003-04:00

Our site is running a couple contests that I thought readers might enjoy:

http://www.treehuggingfamily.com

http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2008/04/doudoubebe-spri.html

Enjoy!

To die for tie-die

2008-04-16T09:34:00.013-04:00

Ok, sorry for the cheesy title, but tie-die is very in this year (so they tell me!) and my friend Kate makes very, very cool tye-die stuff in all sorts of patterns from infant all the way up to adult.

Plus, lots of her things are made with re-purposed t-shirts: giving new life to stuff that would just end getting thrown out, so they're green even though they're rainbow.

Check out her facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Oh-My-Tie-Dye/6428424926 or email her at goldstarfish@gmail.com for payment and shipping details.

Green Stuff

2008-04-08T23:32:00.004-04:00

While the jury is still out on the effect of eating certain foods in pregnancy, it’s well-known that foods that mom eats during breastfeeding affect the taste of her milk. From the very first nursing, a breastfed baby is learning about the unique diet her family follows and receives a gentle introduction to the world of tastes. Researchers believe that this is part of the reason that breastfed babies typically accept a more varied diet and are less likely to be picky eaters.

Despite everything parents do to ensure their children eat a healthy, varied diet, pickiness often occurs in the preschool years. Isabelle ate every vegetable we offered her from asparagus to zucchini in her early years, but developed a real suspicion of anything new and “green stuff” as she approached her third birthday. This is quite a natural phase as children begin to make choices and define their own preferences.

Parents should continue to model good eating habits and offer healthy choices from which their toddlers can pick. If everything on the table is healthy, it will no harm if they only eat one dish. If all else fails, sneaking some ‘green’ into a tomato sauce is as easy as buying a hand-blender and making sure that they aren't in the kitchen while you're making the sauce. (Just don't tell Isabelle about this one - she's already a bit suspicious!)

On the road again...

2008-04-04T23:30:00.000-04:00

Add about 1/3 to the normal time it takes to complete a trip. For example, we drove to Boston to visit friends when Isabelle was 5 months old. The trip normally took us a leisurely 8 hours pre-baby; with baby, it was a solid 12 hours. If possible, try to have one parent sitting in the back seat with the kid(s). Try to plan your departure for a time when baby isn’t asleep – that way you get some “play” time, then (hopefully) a nap before you stop for the first time.

Travelling with a breastfed baby is infinitely easier – all she needs is mama. Never be tempted to take baby out of his car seat when driving – much as his cries may be heart-wrenching. Pull off at the next safe spot and have a nurse while dad stretches his legs. If your child is older, bringing along some special snacks that they really enjoy can buy you a little more driving time.

If your trip is longer than 3 hours or so, try planning your route so that there is an attraction somewhere along the way – it will give you something to look forward to that isn’t as far as the final destination. Bringing along an extra pair of hands can be a great help during the drive and at your destination – whether it’s grandma or teenage cousin. Just be sure your “helper” is someone you want to spend your vacation with or it could be no help at all.

My only plug is that we carry a great little toddler travel pillow that’s ideal for road trips.

The best use for a barbie...

2008-04-01T13:05:00.001-04:00

As promised, here's the finished product for Isabelle's 4th birthday: her mermaid princess cake (who knew I would end up with a girly girl?). I'm pretty proud of it - it turned out to be quite the centerpiece. Plus we got to hack a Barbie doll in half, so two good causes were achieved.

Insult + Injury

2008-03-24T23:10:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning with a weird feeling I hadn't had since I was a kid - my eyes felt like they had sand in them and my left eye was so goopy it was almost sealed shut. (Hey, you don't want to hear this stuff, go read a blog about garden gnomes: mothering involves a lot of fluids),

Pink eye... ewww! And, of course, Thomas is still sick and so am I, so the thought of hauling both the children into the car to the drugstore and back is too much to bear. (Check out this great you tube video: so funny). My normal back-up plan (mum! dad!) has also been felled by this nasty cold.

So I heed a little of my own advice and take the plunge: I express a little breastmilk into a cup and use a dropper to put it in my eyes. (I told you... if you can't take it, find a gnome blogger)

And amazingly, it feels better right away. Like a lot better and it doesn't sting at all like the drops do. I've done it a couple times through the day and feel much better.

When Dan got home, he couldn't even tell, except that I made him listen to the various complaints I had after I brought him up to date on pending grievances from the children (the fish has no food and Isabelle would like to play in the (frozen poop-filled) backyard).

It's quite amazing to me that this really works for grown-up sized eye infections, but also I find it ironic that my breasts can make this amazing elixir and my eyes just can't deal with it themselves.

Having my cake...

2008-03-21T14:31:00.011-04:00

A little known fact about me is that I have a skill for making kid's birthday cakes. It's not actually so hard when you have the equipment, but it's wicked time-consuming, so I haven't made lots in the past few years.

Really, to make an impressive centerpiece, you just need a good pan and some patience. My first foray into this was for my godson, Dylan's 1st birthday.

The next one I made was a variation on the bear: a bee for Dylan's little brother, Nicholas. It was pretty cute, despite the fact that the wings kept falling off and the black icing was kind of gross in that quantity.

The next time was for Isabelle's first birthday - no mean feat with a nursing 1 year old:

And my latest creation was for Thomas' 1st birthday. Gee, you wonder why I look tired and hyperglycemic?

Have a look at Wilton's website - a lot of the cakes could be made with standard cake pans, it's just a lot more math to do and you need a steadier hand. You definitely don't need all the fake stuff - I use a regular buttercream or cream cheese icing (yum....), oil and flour my pans as normal (just very carefully) and take my time. One thing you probably do have to buy is the black icing - you could skip it, but I don't think it's feasible to make black buttercream.

Isabelle has requested a princess cake this year - will let you know how it goes.

Snurffle, snurffle...

2008-03-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

Ah, the spring cold.... an annual event 'round here where we don't do a lot of sickness (warnings about the onslaught pre-school would bring haven't panned out, yet). But the good news is that it's a spring cold and the tide is turning on all this snow.

It starts with a visit to the home of friends we affectionately call the Petri Dishes. Their home is warm and welcoming - and apparently, chock full of pathogens because a runny nose always follows a visit.

Then, Isabelle gets cranky and Thomas' eyes look just a touch red-rimmed. Then, just a trickle of clear mucous signals that the immune battle has begun. I've never really been big on giving little people medicine and the recent warnings about this have just underlined my institinctive feeling.

In fairness, pre-pregnancy and nursing, I was known to down copious quantities of the stuff. But I had to get to work and Isabelle doesn't need cold relief to watch Toopie & Binoo. Popsicles and honey have been doing just fine.

But the snot (like the plot) thickens and Thomas gifts me with an enormous wad of it when he sneezes out the blueberries I was handing him. As I wipe it off my cheek with my sleeve, it occurs to me that I have come a long way since our first cold... Maybe too long....

Day three and Isabelle gets ornery... I am not doing my best mothering. Treehouse TV is on a constant loop, the menu consist of apple slices, peanut butter and toast and the dog is looking at me with that "Dude, do you even remember that I need to be fed?". I want to just lie down, but there's no point.

It's time to call in the big guns... my mama. Mum shows up, changes the children into actual clothing (pjs have ruled) and waters, feeds and plays with them (and the dog, who loves her unconditionally and far more than he loves us: she feeds him). All while I sleep...

It will be better tomorrow... better be: we've got Easter eggs to make, a birthday to plan and school's back next week. Hmmm.... Mum always did great Easter eggs...

A little self pat on the back

2008-03-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

The busyness of the last while has been in part due to an unexpected uptick in media requests about the site. It's tough for a little business to send product samples off to the wide blue yonder and cross her fingers that it will at least get opened, but we've had great feedback.

Here are a few of the recent ones:

http://thecelebritycafe.com/guide/1522.html

http://www.theweereview.com/2008/03/wood-you-believe-it.html

http://www.theweereview.com/2008/02/hip-boutiques.html

http://www.mamaspeaks.com/

I've also been quoted on the parenting side recently, the one that's most touching is below. It's amazing to me how raw it is still is to share that story and how hard it is to see in print, but I hope someone reads it and takes something away from it.

http://www.babiestoday.com/articles/general-health/feeling-something-just-isnt-right-5744/

Mothering the mama

2008-03-15T23:28:00.000-04:00

The arrival of a new baby, whether it is the first or fifth, marks an enormous transition in the family unit, but also in each individual’s life. Mom has gone through a major physical event and baby is learning about a whole new reality! The best advice is for everyone to keep in mind how enormous this transition really is and go easy on themselves and each other in the early weeks.

Making things easy is good theme to keep in mind when preparing for the birth. Mom should have nothing to worry about but her new baby and her own recovery – this is very important in establishing a healthy breastfeeding relationship and everything else should remain secondary. See this as a very brief period in a life-long investment for good health. Investing in a comfortable baby carrier will let Mom have her hands-free while baby remains secure – helping to offset the sometimes overwhelming constant needs of a newborn.

To help the rest of the family cope, frozen meals and take-out are a good start. A “casserole” shower before baby is born is a great idea.

Ensuring that older siblings feel included in the new arrival is very important to minimizing the inevitable resentment. Toy slings make a wonderful gift, making older siblings feel included while modeling the importance of baby’s closeness to Mom.

Outside help, whether in the form of relatives or paid help, can be a boon or a curse. Anyone coming to help needs to remember that they are there for Mom and Dad – not to swoon over the new arrival (hard as that is!). Mom may be feeling insecure and overwhelmed – too many suggestions about baby care may feel undermining. Even more dangerously, offering to feed baby just a bottle of formula while she sleeps sounds helpful, but in the long-run, it may damage her ability to breast-feed. Do laundry, cook meals, tidy up and play with kids, but leave the mothering of baby to Mom.

If hiring outside help such a doula, be sure to get references and interview well ahead of baby’s arrival, so that expectations are perfectly clear. Doulas can be found through their professional association, www.dona.org.

A handy listing

2008-03-15T23:00:00.001-04:00

It's been busy around here...

I wanted to share a great resource I recently found on the Breastfeeding Canada yahoo group: an easy-reference bibliography of breastfeeding-positive children's books. I've seen these before, but this is really well done.

And baby makes four...

2008-03-08T23:25:00.000-05:00

With Thomas' recent birthday, I've been reflecting a bit on the transition to little ones and looking back on it with a bit more space (and sanity).

Older siblings will often regress in their behavior, wanting to nurse or drink from a bottle if they had previously given it up or being less reliable in their potty training. In addition, older siblings will often become clingier, to one or both parents or even adopt a transitional object, like a blanket or stuffed toy, when they had never shown interest before. Isabelle definitely did all of these - adopting "Bear" as her nighttime companion.

Parents can make the transition more difficult on everyone when they do not recognize what an enormous change the older child has undergone. Understanding and compassion, along with time, will restore household peace and help forge the lifetime bond that siblings will share.

A tried-and-true tip is to have an extra-special gift for the older sibling that the new baby “brought” for them. Make believe play is very powerful to young children: older siblings should have their own “baby” and gear to mimic mom and dad. This “baby” also gives them an outlet to play out their frustrations safely. Finally, everyone will benefit if mom has a good comfortable baby carrier so that she can meet baby’s need for closeness while having her hands-free for play. There are even great matching slings for both mom and siblings. These make a wonderful shower gift - older siblings will be very proud.

In human development, there are no absolutes and very little is inevitable: parents can expect their children to react to the addition of a new sibling as they would to any major event. A happy, go-lucky kid is likely to adjust pretty quickly, irrespective of their age or gender. Conversely, a child who is resistant to changes in routine or highly sensitive to noise is likely to have more difficulty. Go easy on yourselves and each other – it’s a joyful journey once all your little travelers get along.

Store Reviewed

2008-02-25T16:24:00.001-05:00

Thank you to Eleanor for her kind and thorough review: the Maple Landmark Toys really are special and I'm so happy to see word about them getting out! Check out Sarah's Toy Box for more.

I hate Wanana

2008-02-24T14:17:00.001-05:00

And Chorka and Juwie and Gayson too. This is made worse by the fact that they are small children and even more so by the fact that they don’t even exist. The inner world of a preschooler is an amazing place and apparently, Isabelle’s inner world is populated with a large number of friends that only she can see.
Very normal developmentally and we really don’t have any concerns about her “outer world” socialization, so this should be one of those live and let live parenting moments. Except that Wanana is a pain in the butt and constantly wants to sleep over: when she doesn’t arrive at bedtime, Isabelle is inconsolable.
We’ve tried reasoning through this: “imaginary friends are lots of fun and they can do things that real people don’t, but remember only you can see them…”. No dice.
I’ve learned interesting things about Isabelle’s imagination: Wanana lives in Chin(not China) and is a small pixie-like creature with dark hair and eyes. Chorka is short, but not tiny with gold hair and brown eyes… It’s kind of cool.
We’ve tried playing along to the story: Dan circled the neighbourhood last night to find Juwie’s house. Where does Juwie live? Isabelle says, “Left” and that’s her only direction. They do not find Juwie’s house and Isabelle is unhappy.
I remember watching Isabelle pass a ball from one had to the other and being completely enthralled that she could do it. It amazes me that my little baby has this amazing mind that’s so rich and layered that she can create whole worlds within it. But, man, oh, man, can you kids go home to your own mothers once in a while?

On bottles and butt cream

2008-02-11T22:53:00.000-05:00

The news has been full of studies about the chemicals we expose our babies to and what that might mean (if anything) for their long-term health. As a parent, I’m on constant watch for threats to my little ones and these types of studies strike real fear in me. What else are my babies exposed to that seems so innocent now, but will hurt them in the decades to come? Like so many things, are we whipping ourselves into a frenzy about relatively remote risks, while ignoring the obvious risks because they are too familiar?
I turn this idea around in my head a little. Why is bisphenol A news, when we approach what most parents put them (infant formula) as a simple diet choice? The infant formula has known and well documented risks, not of some vague far away serious illness, but of serious morbidity and increased mortality in the first year and throughout the child’s life. While bottle-feeding is sometimes necessary (bottles can have breastmilk in them) and bisphenol A does exist in all kinds of plastic items that older children are exposed to also, it does seem that the major source of exposure and concern is the frequent feeding of infants using these bottles.
The concern is increased by the fact that to make powdered formula safe, it needs to be mixed with very hot (just short of boiling) water, which increases the leeching risk. I saw segment on the CBC where mom bought was breastfeeding, but had purchased some “Born-Free” bottles for later: it was a reasonably good segment, but I was left wondering why a baby ever really needs a bottle and why that wasn’t the angle they chose.
Shortly after the big bottle study, came a study about phthalates and how babies exposed to powder, soap and creams containing these compounds show significant traces of them in their urine. Why is this surprising? Tiny little people have a very low body to surface area ratio – it makes sense that chemicals you apply to them will soak in at a higher rate. The risk of phthalates vs. the pesticides in their food or chemicals in their diapers and clothes seems skewed, although certainly the diseases associated with phthalates exposure are worrisome.

As with the bottle debate, there’s a legitimate use for creams and soaps, but it’s actually smaller than the marketing machine from Protor Gamble and Johnson&Johnson would suggest. Babies are bathed far too often, too soon: a bath shouldn’t become a daily activity until kids really get themselves dirty and even then, they’re rarely dirty enough to require the kind of cleaning power we apply to them. My daughter went her whole first year with a single bottle of Molton Brown Wash Baby Wash (which they don’t make anymore!) and Thomas is barely through his first bottle baby soap.

Butt creams can be handy for an occasional rash, but there’s just no good reason to lather a heavy cream all over a baby’s sensitive genitals – as my midwives pointed out, you are more likely to trap irritants than seal them out. A better method is to clean well, get lots of air on the bum and change promptly. The only time my little ones have suffered from much redness was when something they ate didn’t agree with them – and on those occasions, we’ll apply a small amount of Burt’s Bees cream, but almost four years into diapering, we’ve only been through two tubes (though we’ve lost plenty along the way).

So, in the end, while I worry what’s out there and in my home, I also feel safer in that I know that by approaching our diet, our personal care and lives with a simplified, less is more approach, we’re ahead of the game no matter what the next study says.

Great Wolf Lodge

2008-01-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

Well, this picture isn't in their brochure, but it ought to be because it's the primary selling feature of this place: your kids will be overstimulated into complete exhaustion.

Using the tried and true OREO technique (good news, bad news, good news), I'll say the following:

The staff were impressively welcoming and helpful and the hotel is laid out very well for a family establishment. The room was spacious and Dan was thrilled to get a full night's sleep without a little foot in his rib because he got his own bed!

The food in the hotel restaurants is atrociously unhealthy, expensive and did I mention atrociously unhealthy? Plus, for little ones, the water park is not that great - there really isn't an infant area and the water slides are largely reserved for larger kids (Isabelle is tall for her age and at 4, she was borderline). Also, it costs a pretty penny.

Ah, but those water slides are wicked fun for the grown-ups - I'm not usually one for water rides, but I really had fun on them. Isabelle's verdict: "That was AWESOME, mama!". I also got to show off my pool sling that got many approving looks.

Learning the art of mothering - midwives

2008-01-30T23:49:00.000-05:00

I’ve been reflecting lately on how much my mothering has changed since we first found out we were expecting Isabelle some 5+ years ago (wow!). In particular, I’ve been thinking about the women along the way who shared their wisdom and experience. There are a lot of books out there about mothering and babies – I’ve read a fair number of them and a couple do have some useful knowledge to pass on. But as I reflect on it, for all the time I spent reading books and scouring the internet for answers, it’s the mother-to-mother connections that imparted the things that matter.
There’s a good reason why 98% of midwifery clients are satisfied with their care – it’s a model that works for women and their families. While neither of my babies was delivered by midwives (emergency c-sections both), I attribute our survival through two rough pregnancies to their respectful and wise guidance.
That said, there’s a practical side to this mothering business and here’s what my midwives taught me:
- don’t bring a brand-new baby to church: the baby will be fine, but it will make you cry when people try to touch her
- diaper cream is more likely to trap urine/feces against the skin than protect the skin from it: air and lots of it will stave off rashes
- hold your baby and nurse her: you truly don’t have anything better to do

Shower Themes: Meal Shower

2008-01-27T00:27:00.000-05:00

This is an ideal shower for the mom who has the essentials and no space for more, as well as the mom of a second or subsequent child.
o Each guest brings one (or more) frozen meals to stock away for the early weeks when baby needs all mom’s attention, but the whole family still needs food!
o Bring a dish that you don’t need back soon (or a disposable one) and attach clear instructions for preparation, as well as an ingredient listing.
o Need some inspiration beyond the usual pasta casseroles? Check out La Leche League’s Whole Foods for the Whole Family. Better yet, buy two copies and give the other as a gift: it has lots of easy, healthy recipes to feed and please everyone at the table.
o Not a cook – gift cards to a local takeout restaurant will be just as welcome!

Shower Themes: A Book Shower

2008-01-27T00:25:00.000-05:00

The Baby Book (William and Martha Sears): a great all-around reference book that provides accurate, up-to-date information on infant health and nutrition
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (La Leche League International): the comprehensive guide on how (and why) to breastfeed your baby.
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers (Jack Newman): an easy reference guide for situations from common to complex.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution (Elizabeth Pantley): realistic expectations coupled with practical tips to help everyone get a little more shut eye (or at least worry less about it).

Baby needs a library too, so why not pick up some of these special titles:

We Like to Nurse (Chia Martin),
Mama's Milk (Michael Elsohn Ross)
The Best Gifts (Marsha Forchuk Skrypuch).

Shower Themes: Around the Clock Shower

2008-01-27T00:23:00.000-05:00

Guests are each assigned a time of day and bring a gift that would be used at that time.
o Breakfast: Instead of a bottle set or sterilizer, try a boppy pillow or set of burp cloths.
o Lunch time: Instead of formula dispensers or bottle-warmer, why not get mom a great nursing top?
o Walk: A sling makes a wonderful gift and supports breastfeeding by allowing mom to respond quickly to baby’s signals, as well as providing an ideal cover for discreet nursing in public. A pretty diaper bag can also be a welcome replacement to the formula-branded bags that some hospitals give out.
o Naptime: Instead of a pacifier, why not offer a beautiful warm blanket for mom and baby to cuddle under?
o Bath Time: Beautiful gentle soaps, a rubber ducky or a bathing mat are all useful for bathing new babies. Lightly scented massage oils can also be a relaxing pre-bed routine. For something a little more original, try getting mom a water carrier so that she can shower right along with baby.
o Bedtime: a lovely bassinette or co-sleeper will allow Mom and Dad to stay close to baby for easy nursing in the night.

The Baby-Friendly Baby Shower

2008-01-27T00:22:00.003-05:00

For many first time moms, the baby shower is a rite of passage. Her friends and family enjoy celebrating the arrival of the newest little one and take the opportunity to provide for some of the things the new family will need.
Early parenthood brings much joy, but many challenges too. First-time mothers are often surprised at the obstacles they encounter in those early weeks. While most mothers in North America begin breastfeeding their infants, fewer than 20% are exclusively breastfeeding as is recommended at six months (and in some places, it’s much lower than even this). Despite the acceptance of breastfeeding as the optimal food for infants, we still live in a bottle-feeding culture.
Take a walk down the baby shower aisle of your local party store - bottles and pacifiers are everywhere from favors to plates to games. It seems hardly surprising that bottles are still so strongly associated with babies! Yet bottles and pacifiers can both be detrimental to the breastfeeding relationship when introduced too early.
So, how to throw a shower that’s fun for all and supports breastfeeding as the norm for new mom and baby?
Themes
Themes are a great way to bring a little fun to a party and help guests feel involved, though you really don’t need one. Check out the next few posts for ideas.
Invitations/Favors/Decorations:
- Whatever matches your theme (if any): no need to go too over the top as the center of attention will be the big belly (or tiny babe).
- Keep an eye out for the ever-present bottle/pacifier, teddy bear and ducky themes are often good choices (though apparently they need soothers and bottles too!).
- Prizes can include some of the children’s books listed above, as well as more usual things like pretty potted plants, bath salts, etc….
- If you’re feeling particularly ‘lactivist’, let the party store know why you’ve purchased the items you have and that you’d like to see more items like them in the future.
Games:
- Memory Game: this is a game where participants are shown a group of baby items for a brief time and the person who remembers the most items wins! Great fun as it lets everyone participate. Instead of baby bottles and formula cans, try including breast pads, lanolin cream and perhaps even a nursing bra!
- Baby Animals: this is an easy written game. Print off a list of 15-20 female animals and have guests name their babies (i.e. elephant = calf). Throw in a couple toughies like raccoon/kit or turkey/pout.
- Charades or Pictionary: really fun games with an animated crowd. Try throwing in some breastfeeding phrases like “breast pump”, “leaking” and “let-down”.
The purpose of any party is for everyone to come away having had fun - certainly none more so than one intended to honor someone close to you as she begins a momentous new phase in her life. With some of the tips above, you can help support your guest of honor in making the right decision for her baby and family, but the intention is not to hit your guests over the head with the “message” or start up a debate on infant feeding. Keep it light and fun – as it should be!

Weirdest Advice - Gross misuse of herbs II

2008-01-26T12:14:00.000-05:00

I thought I was done with this series, but my mom of all people came out with a great one a few weeks ago and I needed to share. Thomas has been constipated for much of the last two months – not painfully so, but worrisome to us because he had some early trouble in that department that landed him in the Sick Kids NICU (fabulous people, give them money).
Mom suggests that the old-fashioned cure for this is to stimulate baby’s anus. This makes sense since that’s what a suppository would do. But her method is would definitely not pass medical muster – she suggests taking a stem of parsley dipped in olive oil and slipping it up there. She claims she’s never done it (thank goodness), but it’s an old trick.
Well, some things are better left in the past. It’s gross and possibly unsanitary (when I mention this, mom says “Well, you wash it first!”).
More importantly, stimulating baby shouldn’t be done unless the constipation is long-running and it should be used only to clear up a back log. Using it regularly can cause baby to become dependent on stimulation to poop. And a nice little glycerin suppository does the trick just fine (this is one of the few cases where I advocate buying something!).
Ok, so unless someone out there has a better one, I’ll close this series right off.

To crawl or not to crawl...

2007-12-03T21:47:00.000-05:00

Thomas is 9.5 months old and he doesn’t crawl. There, I’ve said it.
He is semi-mobile, but the mechanics of forward motion really escape him for the moment. My knowledgeable mommy-self knows this is not a big deal: babies crawl when they have developed the need to get beyond the reach of their bodies. He is apparently content to catch whatever is falling into his circle of influence (which is wide enough to include the dog’s water bowl when my back is turned, mind you).
But, a voice in the back of my head wonders… should I teach him how to crawl? Maybe I haven’t been modeling enough for him… maybe I wear him too much...maybe he needs more motivation… How do you teach someone to crawl? What motivates a baby? As far as I can tell, the only thing he won't lose interest in is nursing – maybe I should lie topless just out of reach?
Sigh… isn’t all this supposed to get out of your system with your first child?

Musings on mamahood

I've moved

Three car trips, three conversations

Some more gratuitous chick pics

Breast Cakes

Baby Chicks (in my basement)

Wordless Wednesday: what happens when Daddy goes to the petstore "just to see"

Earth Day 2010

Art doesn't always imitate life

Prideful Prejudice

You can't blow out a sparkler - my baby turns 6

Wordless Wednesday: Things aren't always as they seem

More on Melissa & Doug recall... sigh

Shit happens... too much

Low-tech H1N1 Tips

Breastfeed your children - especially this flu season

Does the Vaccine Matter? - The Atlantic (November 2009)

Guess who is in the Canadian Family Toy Guide?

Forget goblins: it's the (Nestle) candy that should really scare you

Babywearing Hallowe'en

You can't sleep alone in a strange place, you can't sleep with somebody else

Dr. Jay Gordon - Time to Activate Your Pandemic Panic Pause Button

Breastfeeding reduces cancer & other myths

New Baby Oatmeal Cookies

Thank you Canadian Family!

Wordless Wednesday - Breastfeeding Goddess

Backseat Conversations

What kind of pump should you buy?

Wordless Wednesday - Raw Zucchini Pasta

Mom be nimble, Mom be quick...

Wordless Wednesday - WEEEEEEE!

Summer is here and the living is easy

Why the dog is so high-strung

Sometimes I need more than one reminder

NIP, no tuck

Friday Five: Cute Things

More bad mothers

You can't believe everything you read

Planting the seeds to share the harvest

Because that's what mammal means

Wordless Wednesday - Outing to Home Depot aka We must get out more

Bake Sale

Family Outing - Model Steam Trains

Friday Five - 5 Annoying Baby Products

Wordless Wednesday - Spring First Harvest - Baby Greens

Kids aren't grimy, their schools are

Friday Five

Oh, my aching nipples - on grating teeth and gratitude

On guilt and the breastfeeding police

PJ solution revealed

Mom was right - WASH YOUR HANDS

My rockin' Saturday night

Friday 5

Wordless Wednesday

Mother's Day Gifts on every budget, including $0

April Snow

Chocolate = good, child exploitation = bad: how to reconcile them?

The birthday season - next cake

Drinking with the devil

Disney Pooplosions

Hamburger Cake

Rui (the bad dog) and Barney

Would you breastfeed a kitten?

I *heart* Salma Hayek

The birthday season - the cake drama part I

Bacon Explosion

The sound of music

Happiest place on earth...

What's a weary parent to do?

Leave my Chunky Monkey alone!

La dolce vita - very, very dolce

No more monkeys jumping on the bed

Breastfeeding Boosts IQ

Kids do say the darndest things

Out of my bedroom

BPA Bottle Returns: better late than never

Contests

To die for tie-die

Green Stuff

On the road again...

I heart Salma Hayek