Breast Cakes

Made for a friend's stag - shhh: don't tell them I'm just practicing for World Breastfeeding Week.

Babywearing Hallowe'en

Proscratinors of the world - Hallowe'en is coming up fast and you have to start planning now if you want your costume to be less lame than last year. So I, uh you, need to get moving. Ok, we need to get moving.
For those with babes of baywearing age, picking a costume can be a bit tricky. But these can actually be some of the funnest out there (if you think your baby can't be any cuter, put bunny ears on him...believe me, he will be cuter).
So, a few ideas:

Kangaroo and Joey
Ok, so not exactly digging deep for inspiration, but this is a really cute one and easy to do with any front carrier. For the grown-up, get a brown/tan sweatsuit (only time this is allowed) - a hoodie sweatshirt is ideal. Then make yourself a headband with medium length brown ears. Take an old fleshcoloured nylon stocking, stuff with poly fill (or rags or toilet paper if you need to) and try off the end. Pin the tied off end to the hem of your pants so your tail sticks out the bottom of the sweatshirt. The joey is in a tan sleeper (or sweatsuit) with a headband of medium brown ears. A spot of black makeup on each nose and you're off.
Credit to coolest-homemade-costumes.com for the photo.


Jack in the Box
One of the cutest costumes ever and fairly easy. You can use any front facing carrier. Dress baby up in a colourful sleeper and make/find a jester hat. Find a box about 10cm wider than your carrier and 5cm longer. Cut about a third of the box off with a round cutout at the top and bottom (for head and feet). Apply wrapping paper or paint box brightly (if you have a drooler -consider this in choosing your medium - it will right under them). Firmly tape 10cm of ribbon at each corner of the open side of the box. Once baby jester is in the carrier, tie the box on using the strips and voila - Jack in the Box.

Credit for photo goes to Adam Miller.

Hatchling
Another idea with a front facing carrier, super easy. Using an existing hat with straps, make a cover of white felt and cut a deep zig zag pattern. With more white felt or heavy weight white fabric, cut out a piece slightly larger than the body of your carrier and create a deep zig zag border. Pin it on with safety pins. Dress yourself in all black (you are the background in this one) and baby in a soft yellow sleeper.

Another one from coolest-homemade-costumes.com.

Itsy Bitsy Spider
The idea for this one goes to Martha Stewart, but is not especially Martha-like in its rigor (and I've great liberties with the instructions!). Take an old bedsheet and cut out a hole for your head. Using a black fabric marker, draw radiating lines from the neck, then carefully draw concentric circles to join them (the web). Your little spider will be under sheet - you'll need to cut a slit for her head to stick out. Just below the slit, glue or sew on a oval "body" made of black felt or fabric. Take eight mens trouser socks (microfiber according to Martha) and stuff with polyfilling. Using safety pins on the reverse side, carefully pin and arrange the legs over the web - use hot glue to make sure they join up well with the body. A black toque tops off the look for baby.

Credit for photo goes to Martha Stewart Living and you can get her proper instructions here .

Sometimes, one of the biggest problems is finding the right colour for a particular costume. How many of us really have a tan coloured sweat suit? (The answer to that question should be ZERO!). One thing you can do rather than try to hunt one down is to take one you already have and dye it. Even if what you have is totally the wrong colour, you can strip using RIT Colour Remover and then redye it.

Have a great idea? A great babywearing Hallowe'en pic? Send it along!

Backseat Conversations

I: “Mama, I noticed that I don’t have earrings in my jewellery box.” (Yup, she’s sly.)
Me: “Well, yes, that’s true – you don’t have your ears pierced, so you can’t wear earrings.”
I: “Hmmm… I think it would be nice to wear earrings.”
Me: “Would you like to have your ears pierced?”
I: “Pierced??” as she checks her mental thesarus for what other possible meaning ‘pierce’ might have and comes up empty. “How do they do that?”
Me: “Well, they have to push a needle through your ear to make a hole. So they take a gun and press into your earlobe and shoot it through.” (Yes, I know I could have used a word other than gun, but that's what it's called.)
Silence. Clearly, the road noise must have caused a miscommunication, she thinks.
I: “They shoot it near your ear?” Hopefully.
Me: “No, through your ear – to make the hole.”
I: “NEAR your ear?” Nothing if not persistent, she is.
Me: “No, through your ear so the earring can go through – that’s how they stay in.”
I: “Does it hurt?” Ever hopeful.
Me: “Well, yes – though not for very long. But you have to put alcohol on it and turn them often so your ears heal without sticking to the earrings.”
Silence. Dejection.
I: “I think I will not have earrings, ok?”
Me: “Ok.”

Why the dog is so high-strung

Ah-ha! He has a secret Starbucks addiction - he stole this half empty cup out of my car and snuck off to drink it. Busted.

Friday Five: Cute Things

I need a little light and happiness this weekend - there's been a lot of dreary, bad news of late. So this week's friday five are things that I find so cute, they make me smile every time.

Little Boys with Big Backpacks

Babies Sneezing

Kids Napping Together

Babywearing Daddies with girly Carriers

Nursing Puppies

Enjoy your weekend!

More bad mothers

I've been thinking some more about good mothers, bad mothers and how you tell them apart. And why "bad mothering" gets a better rap in some circles than parents who are doing their level best.

The Boring Mother
She will not play trains (despite having done so for hours this morning), she will not fill up the sand table with water and she insists that paint needs to be applied to paint brushes and to paper only. She sits at the kitchen table sorting papers that have NO pictures, taps at that TV thing that doesn't even make sounds and her pens are boring colours like black and blue. Her children have to make their own fun, apparently - no playful parenting here.

The Angry Mother
She has a short fuse - but no one knows which spark is going to set it off. Transgressions are dealt with harshly and not quickly forgotten. There is yelling. There is intolerance. There is no allowance made for mitigating factors (such as being 2). Stay out of the way, play quietly and neatly and certainly, most certainly, do not whine. Whining around Angry Mother is like waving a bright red flag in front of an enormous, sharp-horned bull - very unwise.

The Worried Mother
With a vague sense that something is amiss, she frets over every detail. She watches her kids like a hawk for any symptom of whatever the diagnosis of the hour might be. She carefully weeds out undesirable toxins from foods, body care products and clothes - and scares off undesirable playmates too. Every new study is taken as the new truth - as long as it includes something new to be worried about. She spends more time researching than playing and certainly more time worrying than nuturing. Eye rolls commonly shadow her at playgroups.

The Devil-May-Care Mother
The other side of the Worried Mother coin is this mother. She knows all the same things as Worried Mother (well, many of them - Worried Mother does a lot of reading), but she's burnt out worrying about them all. And while Worried Mother sees headlines that show risk reduction in %, Devil-May-Care wonders how high the risk really is if everyone is doing it and their kids are just fine. Rather than try to figure out what's important and what's not, she passes the cheesies to the 8-month-old and sips her red wine anytime.

The Lazy Mother
Her kids do nothing but watch TV all day, eating prepackaged foods on paper plates as they sip drink boxes. Their clothes are mismatched and unironed, their hair isn't brushed and no one is checking their teeth either. Her threats of discipline (if any) are as empty as the drawers as the laundry piles up. Plan your own crafts because she's certainly not getting the paint out for you.

There are more: the Self Absorbed Mother, the Tired Mother, the Overindulgent Mother.... but I think you get the point. Any parent who is honest enough could probably write a few of these - or see themselves in the ones I have. Just because we're all there at some point and it doesn't kill our kids, doesn't mean it's good for them or for us. Kids are resilient and they're built to thrive - but mothering matters, too.

A very wise friend responded this:

"I think I'm an ordinary human mother, who like all of us has good and bad moments. I don't think other mammals worry about whether they are good mothers or bad mothers, they just take care of their babies the best they can."
Here, here.

Wordless Wednesday - Outing to Home Depot aka We must get out more

Disney Pooplosions

So I'm sure you've all been on pins and needles waiting for the Disney report. And I am pleased to say it was an excellent trip - despite both of us being a little apprehensive about the Disney-ness of Disney.

Isabelle adored, simply adored, being called "Princess" - all the more common after she obtained all the necessary princess get-up. What, me, buy a Disney costume? Well, there's a little more to it. The first day we spent at Epcot ("why do they call it an apricot?" "No, Isabelle, it's Epcot." "Oh, ok, apple-cot. Why do they call the ball an apple-cot". This conversation continued through the remainder of the trip.)

I don't know if it was the "Cokes" of the world exhibit: despite my addicition to pop, Isabelle has largely been sheltered from it. Yet, I somehow thought it was a good idea to fill her chockful of high-fructose corn syrup from around the globe. Suffice it to say, I would not recommend intorducing your child to pop while she is wearing white pants. Especially when the evening that follows is dinner with the princesses... and you have no change of clothes.

I can't recall another time that I have been more paralyzed with absolutely no idea what to do. It was clear as soon as we coaxed her out from under the table that there had been a poop-plosion. A major one. Yet, we had no change and no sweaters to wrap around her. And she was far too poopy to pick up...

So, I followed her closely behind as she waddled out of the castle and Dan paid the bill. She couldn't sit, but she also couldn't stand - and it was very uncomfortable. I felt so badly for her. She felt so badly for her. "Mommy, help me!" And really honestly, the only thing I could say was the truth, "I am going to make it better, but I really really don't know what to do." Finally Dan came out and I unfroze. I went across the way, brought a $50 (!) Cinderella dress and whisked her into the ladies' room. (Well, to the extent that you can "whisk" a five year old with poop running down her leg while trying to provide back cover for her).

I can only imagine what people must have thought was going on in that stall - I am nauseous just to think of it. It definitely was the grossest bathroom moment in my personal history. But we got her cleaned up and into the princess dress - that went a long way to healing the humiliation. The poop outfit - brand-new pants and all went directly in the garbage.

Fun times. In addition to be an excellent reminder of what happens when little bodies are given crap to eat, it was also a humbling moment for me. Five years in and I by and large think I pretty well know what I'm doing with this parenting thing - but kids will know just how to cut you down to size.

Guaranteed to make you laugh until your sides hurt, especially if you've ever struggled through the white stuff.

Warning, the language isn't entirely G-rated (whose is in these cases?).

As a good friend suggested, this woman really needs to get in touch with her inner babywearer. Enjoy!

Kids do say the darndest things

Like the jargon of any organized group, families all seem to have their own secret language that only the members share – and it’s the children who bring the unqiue words to us.

The funny little expressions they use as they are learning ways to express themselves are often fleeting, but sometimes they stick. Just ask my uncle, Carlo, who is still called “Caco” as my sister reaches her late twenties. It could have been worse, though I’m not sure that Coco would be much better than Caca.

Since these are so fleeting, I thought I’d take the chance now to share a few of Isabelle’s particularly cute or funny ones:

- greffast: as in “Daddy made me pancakes for greffast”

- dewey: not the decimal system, but rather “dirty”, now largely outgrown, but we heard it a lot during the fastidiously clean phase that preceded her current ‘devil may care’ hygiene rules

- eye-spy down: as in “pineapple eye-spy down cake”

- eye-spy up: the reverse of eye-spy down

- mamote control: oddly, Isabelle could say “télé-commande” in French well before she could say it in English and just recently dropped mamote term

So, readers, share your favourite cute ones with me…