Art doesn't always imitate life

Isabelle and I settled into her bed with a book she got out of the school library (ie: one that I did not have a hand in choosing). The story was roughly how being a big sister is more fun than being a baby brother. Cool by me.

In the day to day, I mostly live my life in circles where babies are routinely born at home, breastfed until they are 2 and beyond, sharing their parents bed(s). The babies in my world are carried, not strolled and their mothers worry about the pattern of their next sling, not the crib bumper. It's easy for me to believe this is the norm. I try hard when chosing books that address family to find stories that look like our home. This is a handy bibliography from LLLI that I've used: not sure if there's anything more up to date out there these days.

So, page two of our happy book sees Daddy preparing a bottle and Isabelle says, "That's right - big girls eat food, but babies drink from bottles." WHAAA? Deep breath. I try not to freak out and just focus on bringing this back to our experience. "Did Tom drink from a bottle?" "No, he had na-nas: he never drank from bottles ever." "Do you think you drank from bottles?" Tough one, since she doesn't remember, but she's getting the drift of this. "No, I think I drank just milk from na-nas too.... (lightbulb) So, just the baby in the book drank bottles, our babies drink milk from na-nas." I like the way she says our babies.

Next page doesn't improve much - a separate nursery with a crib for baby. Isabelle loves the mobile! "But Tom never slept in his crib." "No - he slept with me and Daddy. And so did you. Sometimes you still do!" "Yes, I think it is nice to sleep cuddled with your Mommy." Me too, kiddo.

And so it goes through the book. The stroller. "Do all babies ride in strollers?" "Sure they do - that's how they get around when they are too little to walk!" "Did Tom always use a stroller? Do you remember his favourite place to be when he was baby?" "Oh, yes. Your red sling! He was so cute." "Yup - you rode in a sling too - Daddy carried you a lot too." "Oh really. Yes, I remember I loved my sling." (Not likely, but I'll take even contrived memory).

So, the pause, then the question. "Our family is not much like this family is it?" Well, sure they are: they have a mommy and a daddy and a big sister and a little brother. They even have an aunt. But there are lots of ways our family is different too - and I'm ok with that reminder.

You can't sleep alone in a strange place, you can't sleep with somebody else

I've been thinking a lot about sleeping arrangements lately as we settle back into a school year routine. Co-sleeping is one of those discussions that leaves me a bit confounded as the kids get older. When they were small and sleep was all we and all our baby-bearing friends discussed, the family bed vs. the cry-it-out (CIO) method was pretty polarizing. And we were largely on our own at our pole.

But now that they are older, like weaning/breastfeeding discussions, everyone assumes that co-sleeping is a thing of the past. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not - and the new variable is that the kids have started liking to sleep together, whether one of us is there or not (we take up a lot of room I guess). It seems to be working for us now and like all things sleep related, I figure if we're all resting, I'm not going to mess with it.

So, dear readers, what happens in your house? The poll above probably doesn't have nearly enough variations - so feel free to comment below.

No more monkeys jumping on the bed

How does that old nursery rhyme go? "One little fell off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said..." Well, we had a minor furniture malfunction last week with our bed, but we thought we had it fixed (well, Dan had it fixed - I held the mattress up). But seven years, two pregnancies, two babies, a toddler, a preschooler and the occassional insolent dog later and our poor bed gave up the ghost...

Unfortunately, it gave up while I was nursing Thomas and Isabelle was next to me - but fortunately we were all awake and no one was hurt. Dan tried to repair it, but it's no use - the old king had just seen too much living, I guess.

On the upside, now that our mattresses are sitting on the floor, I've discovered that the low bed gives a really open zen feeling to the room - the old four-poster was fun, but I'm really thinking the next frame is going to reflect what's changed since that first bed seven years ago - we're steadier, we're simpler and, in every sense, we're closer to the ground.

Weirdest Advice - No more babies jumping on the bed

To keep your baby from rolling off the bed, use a diaper pin to pin their sleeper to the sheets.

I first heard this advice second-hand before I had children and, I admit, it actually sounded like a good idea at the time. But it isn't.

For one thing, it's demeaning (we restrain animals, not people) and probably uncomfortable. For another, it has the potential to be unsafe: the pin could undo and injure the baby or the baby could become entangled in the bedding (unsurprising, since it is pinned to them).

This is not an example of safe co-sleeping, although many families do find that bed-sharing increases the amount of sleep everyone gets. The benefits of co-sleeping to the breastfeeding relationship are well-documented as well.

That said, there are things to keep in mind, if like most parents, you do share your bed with your baby some or most of the time. A recent coroner's report in Ontario did a real disservice to families by ignoring the clear benefits of co-sleeping and failing outright to share some simple guidelines to keep baby safe.

It's not listed in that link, but also please don't pin the baby to the bed.