Prideful Prejudice

How's that for a blog post title? And after so many months of abandoning you!

So, about that, sorry. It's been busy and I am trying to sort out how to fit all the stuff I need and want to do. Writing is definitely in the 'keep' box, but it's also something that requires me to have a chunk of quiet brain space and I just haven't been carving that out very well lately.

But I'm back and I'm going to talk a little bit about judgment. Not judgment of me (knock yourselves out if you want). No - these are the judgey pants I wear out in the world and I am afraid I have order in a size 6X, pink.

We were driving down a major road recently and Isabelle spotted a young boy who was sitting in the front driver side of a parked car.

"He's in the driving seat and not even in a car seat! He has BAD PARENTS, huh Mom?" Her first instinct is a spiteful 'j'accuse' of "BAD PARENTS". Spiteful. And confident that she is right and they are wrong. I recognize the anger and confidence - 'cause I have felt it many a time, about car seat safety, about feeding choices, about discipline, about, well, pretty much anything that another person might chose that I get to know about.

Six year olds are so much about rules and categories of right and wrong - Isabelle doesn't see a lot of gray in the world. I get that: it's a stage of development, not a character flaw. I like to think I'm more subtle than that (being well past 6 and all), but my first instinct was the same. Yes, yes, he does have bad parents - leaving him sitting in the driver seat while they were on the sidewalk.

In the next breath, I know there are a million reasons why a good parent might have allowed that. Heck, that I might allow it. So we talk about those reasons and why it's not safe most of the time, but it might be the right choice for a mommy or daddy to make. At six, she can already raise a skeptical eyebrow at me like a pro, but we decide that we can't really say that they are or not. And also, we will not be playing in the front seat in our family.

So, we kind of settle that one. Yet...

Peggy O'Mara has famously been quoted as saying that "Judgment is not always wrong" - I believe that. Human nature is imperfect and humans are vulnerable: we have a duty to protect each other. But there are so many times in my life that I feel that "j'accuse" and then the uncertain retreat and then.... do I settle on the right place before I open my mouth? For the "accused"? For my values? Does it even matter what I say when my visceral reaction is to condemn? Do my eyes speak louder than the carefully chosen words?

And which one tells the truth?

Sometimes I need more than one reminder

I feel like maybe the universe is trying to show me something.
First, a couple weeks ago, I was shocked and distraught to learn that a blogger, Emily McDonald, that I had been following for a long time was alledgedly purposely harming her fragile preschooler in a potentially fatal bid for attention (which all of us on the Internet had given her). Then a similar story came out about another blogger, Rebeccah Beushausen, who just made up her 'sick baby' story.
This week, a fellow mom tweeter came across a horrible, racist employment ad on Kijiji.... in following up, I learned that it was actually a malicious smear attempt. Phew.... sort of. Phew, that no one actually thought it was ok to put "Blacks and Asians need not apply in a want ad, but scary at how long that ad stayed up and how many people might have thought it was legitimate.
So, what's the universe trying to tell me?
Well, I think it's a reminder about thinking critically - that facts aren't always truth, especially when you can't experience it for yourself. How much am I teaching my kids about this? That what they see on TV, in books and on the radio is someone else's representation and that they need to decide whether that representation is right, every time. Do I challenge them to do this enough? Challenge myself? Perhaps not.
I don't blog a lot about the business, mainly because I'm figuring that my readers (if they are any out there!) probably won't find the day-to-day minutiae of running a little online business that fascinating. But these past few weeks have also been a good lesson in brand protection. I've checked my Google Alerts to make sure that I see when our name pops up and kept an eye on analytics to see who is coming to the site and why. The Google tools are easy to use and free - a no-brainer for me.
Battening down the hatches and hiding isn't an option - I need to be "out there" learning and sharing and I enjoy it too. By being out there and authentic, it protects our brand too - because my genuine voice is easily distinguished from those with malicious intent.
I've never been good at paranoia - I believe in karma and that if you think the best of people, they'll usually deliver. And even on the internet, that's true - this is the first time in many years that I've ever encountered truly scary people. That's not to say that caution and good sense won't serve well both in the internet's wild west or the quiet streets of Toronto.
So, ok, universe, I got the message. Back off, now, ok?