It was widely reported that a study this week found that breastfeeding reduces breast cancer risk, especially in women with a family history of the disease.
Don't be fooled: this is a myth.
The truth is that women who do not breastfeed have a higher incidence of breast cancer. They also have a higher incidence of ovarian, endometrial and uterine cancer - in addition to passing on that increased risk to their daughters and grand-daughters. You'll rarely see the headline you ought to see about breastfeeding, though we have few compunctions about telling parents that they will harm their children by not putting them in carseats or failing to keep them active.
So here are a few more 'myths':
- Breastfeeding reduces your baby's risk of obesity, Type I and II diabetes and childhood cancers.
- Breastfeeding reduces Mom's risk of Type II diabetes, high blood pressure and cardio-vascular disease.
- Breastfeeding promotes optimal palate development, decreasing sleep apnea and other disorders.
Here's the truth:
- Formula-fed babies are at greater risk for obesity, Type I and II diabetes and childhood cancers. These are serious conditions that can result in disability and premature death.
- Not breastfeeding increases your risk of Type II diabetes and cardio-vascular disease. In addition to the attention required in the management of the disease, the risk of complications means you're less likely to be rocking your grandbabies and chasing them through the park.
- Bottlefeeding causes the palate to be malformed, increasing the risk of debilitating and possibly life-threatening conditions like sleep apnea. These conditions are life-long and are incurable, though treatable.
Maybe it seems like semantics to you... but it's important. Mothers who go to extraordinary lengths to breastfeed their babies often have to also contend with family and health care providers who don't "see the point". While we talk a lot about how breastfeeding is a foundation of good health, there are major systemic barriers to success for the nursing pair - birth practices, sleep practices, maternity leave... these are big, broad issues that get white-washed in the "breast is best" message. Diane Wiessinger has done some great work in talking about breastfed being 'normal fed' and is a worthy read for anyone interested in how language affects our view of breastfeeding and how to address it.
Think about it next time you see a health headline.
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
What kind of pump should you buy?
It seems like these days the breast pump has joined the ranks of baby registry basics: every new mother assumes that she needs one. Like most spaces where breastfeeding and consumerism meet, there are good and bad aspects to this.
The fact that it's automatic is a big YAY!: it means that breast milk is what mothers assume their babies will drink. But breast milk doesn't equal breastfeeding - and there are important benefits to breastfeeding that breast milk from a bottle can't replicate. One of the main ones is the ease of preparation and clean up.
Pumping has a place for mothers who have to be separated from their nurslings for longer periods. It also has a place for mothers for whom latching has proved challenging and nursing supplementers too cumbersome. And for some families, the typical suggestions on how to cope with night-waking and high-needs babies aren't practical or sufficient. In these cases where a mother is maintaining a full supply, a heavy-duty double pump is in order - and that's not a worthy 'just in case' expense (renting a hospital grade is the better option most of the time anyway).
I remember stinging at a speech that Jack Newman gave a number of years ago where he scoffed about the "silly contraptions" manufacturers were coming out with for hands-free pumping. Clearly, I thought, he's never had to pump every three hours around the clock for a baby in the NICU - hands-free pumping meant a lot to me. Not that I had proper hands-free set-up, but I got fairly good at balancing the bottles on my knees while I read trashy magazines to distract myself from the anguish in my heart.
But like all things commercial, what would have been helpful to me when pumping was a necessity has the potential to overreach. Most women who are planning to breastfeed have no reason at all to expect that they'll need a pump in the first few months of their baby's life. Unless they are planning on returning to work within the first month or so, pumping right away has very little benefit at a time when the focus should be establishing a balanced milk supply and good breastfeeding relationship. Stashes can be built, but not at the expense of those early moments.
For mothers who are able to take humane maternity leaves, pumping is even less important. Certainly, for those mothers, an electric pump is probably overkill and even a manual pump will fail to encourage that most basic skill that every lactating woman should have - manual expression. This is so important that I am stunned how few women are taught it, much less properly.
So much as I stung at his cavalier attitude, Dr. Newman had gotten a whiff of the direction in which things were going. Medela, previously one of the very few WHO-compliant gear companies out there, last year decided to take a different step and begin actively marketing bottles and artificial nipples directly to consumers. In the grand scheme, they're certainly no Nestle and they make quality products that have saved and prolonged many breastfeeding relationships.
But so few women are getting good information about breastfeeding - I mean really good information about the practicalities of the day-to-day, not just "Breast is best" - that these kinds of products flooding the market and making it on must-have lists really does have the potential to create a whole new set of breastfeeding problems. Oversupply from over pumping, nipple confusion/flow preference, plugged ducts and mastitis from poor pumping practice (IE: balancing the bottles on your knees can create uneven pressure that leads to plugged ducts) and ultimately breastfeeding ending earlier than nature intended. Maybe it ends earlier because the problems become acute and force the hands of the nursing pair or maybe it's simply because the connection in breastfeeding that evolves between mom and baby is interrupted and there comes a day when "breast is best" just isn't enough.
So, don't be surprised next time you ask "Which pump should I buy? (or "buy for her")" that my answer is no pump at all.
The fact that it's automatic is a big YAY!: it means that breast milk is what mothers assume their babies will drink. But breast milk doesn't equal breastfeeding - and there are important benefits to breastfeeding that breast milk from a bottle can't replicate. One of the main ones is the ease of preparation and clean up.
Pumping has a place for mothers who have to be separated from their nurslings for longer periods. It also has a place for mothers for whom latching has proved challenging and nursing supplementers too cumbersome. And for some families, the typical suggestions on how to cope with night-waking and high-needs babies aren't practical or sufficient. In these cases where a mother is maintaining a full supply, a heavy-duty double pump is in order - and that's not a worthy 'just in case' expense (renting a hospital grade is the better option most of the time anyway).
I remember stinging at a speech that Jack Newman gave a number of years ago where he scoffed about the "silly contraptions" manufacturers were coming out with for hands-free pumping. Clearly, I thought, he's never had to pump every three hours around the clock for a baby in the NICU - hands-free pumping meant a lot to me. Not that I had proper hands-free set-up, but I got fairly good at balancing the bottles on my knees while I read trashy magazines to distract myself from the anguish in my heart.
But like all things commercial, what would have been helpful to me when pumping was a necessity has the potential to overreach. Most women who are planning to breastfeed have no reason at all to expect that they'll need a pump in the first few months of their baby's life. Unless they are planning on returning to work within the first month or so, pumping right away has very little benefit at a time when the focus should be establishing a balanced milk supply and good breastfeeding relationship. Stashes can be built, but not at the expense of those early moments.
For mothers who are able to take humane maternity leaves, pumping is even less important. Certainly, for those mothers, an electric pump is probably overkill and even a manual pump will fail to encourage that most basic skill that every lactating woman should have - manual expression. This is so important that I am stunned how few women are taught it, much less properly.
So much as I stung at his cavalier attitude, Dr. Newman had gotten a whiff of the direction in which things were going. Medela, previously one of the very few WHO-compliant gear companies out there, last year decided to take a different step and begin actively marketing bottles and artificial nipples directly to consumers. In the grand scheme, they're certainly no Nestle and they make quality products that have saved and prolonged many breastfeeding relationships.
But so few women are getting good information about breastfeeding - I mean really good information about the practicalities of the day-to-day, not just "Breast is best" - that these kinds of products flooding the market and making it on must-have lists really does have the potential to create a whole new set of breastfeeding problems. Oversupply from over pumping, nipple confusion/flow preference, plugged ducts and mastitis from poor pumping practice (IE: balancing the bottles on your knees can create uneven pressure that leads to plugged ducts) and ultimately breastfeeding ending earlier than nature intended. Maybe it ends earlier because the problems become acute and force the hands of the nursing pair or maybe it's simply because the connection in breastfeeding that evolves between mom and baby is interrupted and there comes a day when "breast is best" just isn't enough.
So, don't be surprised next time you ask "Which pump should I buy? (or "buy for her")" that my answer is no pump at all.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
More bad mothers
I've been thinking some more about good mothers, bad mothers and how you tell them apart. And why "bad mothering" gets a better rap in some circles than parents who are doing their level best.
The Boring Mother
She will not play trains (despite having done so for hours this morning), she will not fill up the sand table with water and she insists that paint needs to be applied to paint brushes and to paper only. She sits at the kitchen table sorting papers that have NO pictures, taps at that TV thing that doesn't even make sounds and her pens are boring colours like black and blue. Her children have to make their own fun, apparently - no playful parenting here.
The Angry Mother
She has a short fuse - but no one knows which spark is going to set it off. Transgressions are dealt with harshly and not quickly forgotten. There is yelling. There is intolerance. There is no allowance made for mitigating factors (such as being 2). Stay out of the way, play quietly and neatly and certainly, most certainly, do not whine. Whining around Angry Mother is like waving a bright red flag in front of an enormous, sharp-horned bull - very unwise.
The Worried Mother
With a vague sense that something is amiss, she frets over every detail. She watches her kids like a hawk for any symptom of whatever the diagnosis of the hour might be. She carefully weeds out undesirable toxins from foods, body care products and clothes - and scares off undesirable playmates too. Every new study is taken as the new truth - as long as it includes something new to be worried about. She spends more time researching than playing and certainly more time worrying than nuturing. Eye rolls commonly shadow her at playgroups.
The Devil-May-Care Mother
The other side of the Worried Mother coin is this mother. She knows all the same things as Worried Mother (well, many of them - Worried Mother does a lot of reading), but she's burnt out worrying about them all. And while Worried Mother sees headlines that show risk reduction in %, Devil-May-Care wonders how high the risk really is if everyone is doing it and their kids are just fine. Rather than try to figure out what's important and what's not, she passes the cheesies to the 8-month-old and sips her red wine anytime.
The Lazy Mother
Her kids do nothing but watch TV all day, eating prepackaged foods on paper plates as they sip drink boxes. Their clothes are mismatched and unironed, their hair isn't brushed and no one is checking their teeth either. Her threats of discipline (if any) are as empty as the drawers as the laundry piles up. Plan your own crafts because she's certainly not getting the paint out for you.
There are more: the Self Absorbed Mother, the Tired Mother, the Overindulgent Mother.... but I think you get the point. Any parent who is honest enough could probably write a few of these - or see themselves in the ones I have. Just because we're all there at some point and it doesn't kill our kids, doesn't mean it's good for them or for us. Kids are resilient and they're built to thrive - but mothering matters, too.
A very wise friend responded this:
"I think I'm an ordinary human mother, who like all of us has good and bad moments. I don't think other mammals worry about whether they are good mothers or bad mothers, they just take care of their babies the best they can."
Here, here.
The Boring Mother
She will not play trains (despite having done so for hours this morning), she will not fill up the sand table with water and she insists that paint needs to be applied to paint brushes and to paper only. She sits at the kitchen table sorting papers that have NO pictures, taps at that TV thing that doesn't even make sounds and her pens are boring colours like black and blue. Her children have to make their own fun, apparently - no playful parenting here.
The Angry Mother
She has a short fuse - but no one knows which spark is going to set it off. Transgressions are dealt with harshly and not quickly forgotten. There is yelling. There is intolerance. There is no allowance made for mitigating factors (such as being 2). Stay out of the way, play quietly and neatly and certainly, most certainly, do not whine. Whining around Angry Mother is like waving a bright red flag in front of an enormous, sharp-horned bull - very unwise.
The Worried Mother
With a vague sense that something is amiss, she frets over every detail. She watches her kids like a hawk for any symptom of whatever the diagnosis of the hour might be. She carefully weeds out undesirable toxins from foods, body care products and clothes - and scares off undesirable playmates too. Every new study is taken as the new truth - as long as it includes something new to be worried about. She spends more time researching than playing and certainly more time worrying than nuturing. Eye rolls commonly shadow her at playgroups.
The Devil-May-Care Mother
The other side of the Worried Mother coin is this mother. She knows all the same things as Worried Mother (well, many of them - Worried Mother does a lot of reading), but she's burnt out worrying about them all. And while Worried Mother sees headlines that show risk reduction in %, Devil-May-Care wonders how high the risk really is if everyone is doing it and their kids are just fine. Rather than try to figure out what's important and what's not, she passes the cheesies to the 8-month-old and sips her red wine anytime.
The Lazy Mother
Her kids do nothing but watch TV all day, eating prepackaged foods on paper plates as they sip drink boxes. Their clothes are mismatched and unironed, their hair isn't brushed and no one is checking their teeth either. Her threats of discipline (if any) are as empty as the drawers as the laundry piles up. Plan your own crafts because she's certainly not getting the paint out for you.
There are more: the Self Absorbed Mother, the Tired Mother, the Overindulgent Mother.... but I think you get the point. Any parent who is honest enough could probably write a few of these - or see themselves in the ones I have. Just because we're all there at some point and it doesn't kill our kids, doesn't mean it's good for them or for us. Kids are resilient and they're built to thrive - but mothering matters, too.
A very wise friend responded this:
"I think I'm an ordinary human mother, who like all of us has good and bad moments. I don't think other mammals worry about whether they are good mothers or bad mothers, they just take care of their babies the best they can."
Here, here.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
You can't believe everything you read
I've been preoccupied with a story this week - and I've been trying to decide what it means. For a long time, I've followed themcdonaldfive blog about a family with three kids, the youngest a medically-fragile, beautiful 3 year old. I've been reading vigilantly thorough the spring as little Dakota has had a string of health problems and things looked pretty dire. Then, the unthinkable happened: someone sent me this link. Emily Beth McDonald, 23, was arrested after allegedly smearing feces in her daughter's central line, causing a series of serious life-threatening blood infections.
My first reaction was to think that this is what you get when you believe what you read on the internet - I felt silly and duped for having worried and empathized. I wondered whether it makes sense to spend my time reading blogs and twittering with other mothers. But, I suppose it's true that any abuser would gets away with their behaviour is doing so secretly and has a good front story - or they'd never get away with it to begin with. This woman had tricked a good many people in her real life as well as with her internet persona. Her light, beautiful pictures and apparently honest, straightforward recounting of day-to-day life were easy to enjoy - the triumph of family over adversity. Of course, the allegations currently only relate to the last few weeks - so who knows how long it has been going on or in what ways the increasing attention she and her blog were getting fed into her attention-seeking.
Annie, over at PhD in Parenting wrote a post this week about "bad mothers" and parentcentral.ca had a feature on it. I've been thinking a lot about that in light of Emily McDonald and her family. How good mothers turn bad, how we judge each other and how we protect each others babies when bad really means evil. Hug your babies tight and keep your eyes open.
My first reaction was to think that this is what you get when you believe what you read on the internet - I felt silly and duped for having worried and empathized. I wondered whether it makes sense to spend my time reading blogs and twittering with other mothers. But, I suppose it's true that any abuser would gets away with their behaviour is doing so secretly and has a good front story - or they'd never get away with it to begin with. This woman had tricked a good many people in her real life as well as with her internet persona. Her light, beautiful pictures and apparently honest, straightforward recounting of day-to-day life were easy to enjoy - the triumph of family over adversity. Of course, the allegations currently only relate to the last few weeks - so who knows how long it has been going on or in what ways the increasing attention she and her blog were getting fed into her attention-seeking.
Annie, over at PhD in Parenting wrote a post this week about "bad mothers" and parentcentral.ca had a feature on it. I've been thinking a lot about that in light of Emily McDonald and her family. How good mothers turn bad, how we judge each other and how we protect each others babies when bad really means evil. Hug your babies tight and keep your eyes open.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
On guilt and the breastfeeding police
There's a lot of guilt involved in mothering - not least when it comes to how and what we feed our babies. A constant tension among breastfeeding advocates is ensuring that mothers are getting the information they need to make the right decision for their babies, while respecting their authority as parents and not devaluing their experience. It's heavy emotional stuff - and never straightforward.
For some out there, enough has been said about breastfeeding - anything further is meant to guilt and shame mothers into making the consensus choice. I have trouble with this on a number of fronts.
First, the notion that every new parent knows about breastfeeding and the risks of formula is absurd to anyone who spends any time discussing these issues with mothers. Front-line contacts from obstetricians to nurses to family doctors and pharmacists ought to be the foundations for good decisions, but too often they provide information that is out of date, coloured by their own professional bias or simply incorrect. Mothers need accurate information about the importance of breastfeeding and how to maximize chances of success: somewhat by definition, this means being clear about the consequences of not breastfeeding.
Second, while I believe strongly that a woman must determine the use of her own body, the 'personal choice' argument isn't quite so strong to me when it comes to breastfeeding. A mother who has chosen to birth and raise her child takes with that joy a burden of care - a child isn't owned, she is entrusted. Every baby deserves to be breastfed - as parents, we do countless things that are hard, uncomfortable and intrusive to care for our babies and children. Breastfeeding through challenges is no different than enduring the aches, pains and indignities that pregnancy brings - except that the pay-off is immediate.
Third, because breastfeeding is the biological norm, practices that encourage breastfeeding are good for babies and mothers whether they are ultimately successful at breastfeeding or not. Birth practices that empower women to remain in control of their bodies and their babies, engaging experienced empathetic attendants and post-partum care that recognizes the unique mother-baby dyad are the first steps to avoid many of the problems that lead to frustration and failure of breastfeeding relationships. But they are also the first steps to nuturing the mother so that she can in turn nuture her baby and feel confidence in her competence in that new role.
Advocates for breastfeeding whether health care professionals, volunteers or simply interested parents end up taking a lot of flack that's largely undeserved. We don't get any kind of bonus for helping a mother to breastfeed, spending hours encouraging her or researching a particularly thorny issue. Nor, to my knowledge, are there any posses hunting down formula-feeding mothers in public places to shame them or door-to-door solicitors trying to recruit pregnant women. There are many more mothers needing help and support than public health departments, clinics and La Leche League volunteers can help - they don't need to hunt them down.
Why don't we focus our collective energies on supporting mothers so that their pain and guilt can be avoided entirely?
For some out there, enough has been said about breastfeeding - anything further is meant to guilt and shame mothers into making the consensus choice. I have trouble with this on a number of fronts.
First, the notion that every new parent knows about breastfeeding and the risks of formula is absurd to anyone who spends any time discussing these issues with mothers. Front-line contacts from obstetricians to nurses to family doctors and pharmacists ought to be the foundations for good decisions, but too often they provide information that is out of date, coloured by their own professional bias or simply incorrect. Mothers need accurate information about the importance of breastfeeding and how to maximize chances of success: somewhat by definition, this means being clear about the consequences of not breastfeeding.
Second, while I believe strongly that a woman must determine the use of her own body, the 'personal choice' argument isn't quite so strong to me when it comes to breastfeeding. A mother who has chosen to birth and raise her child takes with that joy a burden of care - a child isn't owned, she is entrusted. Every baby deserves to be breastfed - as parents, we do countless things that are hard, uncomfortable and intrusive to care for our babies and children. Breastfeeding through challenges is no different than enduring the aches, pains and indignities that pregnancy brings - except that the pay-off is immediate.
Third, because breastfeeding is the biological norm, practices that encourage breastfeeding are good for babies and mothers whether they are ultimately successful at breastfeeding or not. Birth practices that empower women to remain in control of their bodies and their babies, engaging experienced empathetic attendants and post-partum care that recognizes the unique mother-baby dyad are the first steps to avoid many of the problems that lead to frustration and failure of breastfeeding relationships. But they are also the first steps to nuturing the mother so that she can in turn nuture her baby and feel confidence in her competence in that new role.
Advocates for breastfeeding whether health care professionals, volunteers or simply interested parents end up taking a lot of flack that's largely undeserved. We don't get any kind of bonus for helping a mother to breastfeed, spending hours encouraging her or researching a particularly thorny issue. Nor, to my knowledge, are there any posses hunting down formula-feeding mothers in public places to shame them or door-to-door solicitors trying to recruit pregnant women. There are many more mothers needing help and support than public health departments, clinics and La Leche League volunteers can help - they don't need to hunt them down.
Why don't we focus our collective energies on supporting mothers so that their pain and guilt can be avoided entirely?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday 5
A woman in Australia is awarded damages of almost A$50,000 after a 2003 sexual assault results in nipple damage that makes breastfeeding difficult.
Leave it to the AAP to claim defamation for being called more ethical than they actually are.
Nice to see things are changing in the back rooms of Washington - but no talk of seeing mothers nursing their babies where they belong - the front halls.
Hopefully, it's the beginning of a trend that sees cosmetic surgery on newborn boys stopped in our public hospitals.
I'm all for research that improves the well-being of babies, but do we really need research to tell us that cow's milk (no matter how scientifically packaged) is designed to meet the nutritional needs of.... calves?
Leave it to the AAP to claim defamation for being called more ethical than they actually are.
Nice to see things are changing in the back rooms of Washington - but no talk of seeing mothers nursing their babies where they belong - the front halls.
Hopefully, it's the beginning of a trend that sees cosmetic surgery on newborn boys stopped in our public hospitals.
I'm all for research that improves the well-being of babies, but do we really need research to tell us that cow's milk (no matter how scientifically packaged) is designed to meet the nutritional needs of.... calves?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Mother's Day Gifts on every budget, including $0
Top Gifts at 3 prices
The top gifts for any mom at three price points (for any giver, including those who can't yet count).
Bathtime...Alone
Free: A home-made gift certificate for an interruption-free bath at the time of Mom's choosing.
Under $10: Add one or two magazines. Think People, not the Economist, here. (Unless your mom finds the Economist relaxing, in which case, I'd like to meet her).
Under $50: Add some great bath essence or bath products. For a year's worth of inspiring bathtimes, give her a subscription to Mothering magazine.
Style in transition
Free: Take the ratty old underwear, spit-up stained t-shirts and bras that are like thongs to the post-pregnancy breast and get RID of them.
Under $10: One of those cotton scarves that are so a la mode this spring, some hair clips or even a pretty new lipstick/nail polish can go a long way to brightening up a dreary t-shirt and yoga pants wardrobe.
Under $50: Buying clothes for a body in flux (which is pretty much from conception to oh, menopause) is tough. Jeans that are tight in all the wrong places and shirts that bulge open over the lactating breasts are one thing, but just as demoralizing are the baggy pants and too big underwear! Stick to something that will freshen up her look no matter what point on the continuum she is: the Belleze Band is just the ticket with lots of style (and a hidden adjustible waist).
Looking for more ideas? Have some great ones to share?
The top gifts for any mom at three price points (for any giver, including those who can't yet count).
Bathtime...Alone
Free: A home-made gift certificate for an interruption-free bath at the time of Mom's choosing.
Under $10: Add one or two magazines. Think People, not the Economist, here. (Unless your mom finds the Economist relaxing, in which case, I'd like to meet her).
Under $50: Add some great bath essence or bath products. For a year's worth of inspiring bathtimes, give her a subscription to Mothering magazine.
Style in transition
Free: Take the ratty old underwear, spit-up stained t-shirts and bras that are like thongs to the post-pregnancy breast and get RID of them.
Under $10: One of those cotton scarves that are so a la mode this spring, some hair clips or even a pretty new lipstick/nail polish can go a long way to brightening up a dreary t-shirt and yoga pants wardrobe.
Under $50: Buying clothes for a body in flux (which is pretty much from conception to oh, menopause) is tough. Jeans that are tight in all the wrong places and shirts that bulge open over the lactating breasts are one thing, but just as demoralizing are the baggy pants and too big underwear! Stick to something that will freshen up her look no matter what point on the continuum she is: the Belleze Band is just the ticket with lots of style (and a hidden adjustible waist).
Looking for more ideas? Have some great ones to share?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
April Snow
"It's snowing, Mum - LOOK!" she says with all the awe of her very first snowfall. I am having more trouble getting excited about this unexpected spring bounty. When spring officially arrived, we were off in Florida - and Isabelle seems to have taken the notions about seasonal weather patterns as hard rules. This means that in winter, it is cold and it snows. In spring, it is sunny and a bit warm and there are flowers. In summer, it is hot and we swim. In fall, it is cool and the leaves fall off the trees. And all the myriad parts of nature obey our calendar exactly.
But having some 30-odd Toronto Aprils under my belt, I know that there's always at least one good snowfall in April. My birthday is at the end of the month (32 this year for anyone wondering how odd odd is) and I can recall there being snow on the ground - and not just way back when we walked to school for 5 miles uphill both ways.
To be 5 again. To think that the world is governed by absolute rules. I remember being quite unnerved when Trudeau was replaced by Mulroney. We weren't a particularly politically active family, but my mom had a place in her heart for the dapper intellectual who could cut a rug and it was a fairly big deal. I thought Prime Ministers were like kings and ruled until they died - age has taught me that we are very lucky that my five year old vision of absolute monarchy was wrong. Fresh blood is a good thing - a notion that's probably lost on a five year old to whom everything is fresh.
Back to the snow - it's pretty really. And fun. And telling - in the summer, I'd never be able to see the bird prints that hopped across the front porch, then down the steps and around the house, eating up the goldfish crakers crumbs we trailed in yesterday or the squirrel prints leading suspiciously up to my empty bird feeder. Hey, if it's going to be cold, I'd rather have snow to entertain us.
But having some 30-odd Toronto Aprils under my belt, I know that there's always at least one good snowfall in April. My birthday is at the end of the month (32 this year for anyone wondering how odd odd is) and I can recall there being snow on the ground - and not just way back when we walked to school for 5 miles uphill both ways.
To be 5 again. To think that the world is governed by absolute rules. I remember being quite unnerved when Trudeau was replaced by Mulroney. We weren't a particularly politically active family, but my mom had a place in her heart for the dapper intellectual who could cut a rug and it was a fairly big deal. I thought Prime Ministers were like kings and ruled until they died - age has taught me that we are very lucky that my five year old vision of absolute monarchy was wrong. Fresh blood is a good thing - a notion that's probably lost on a five year old to whom everything is fresh.
Back to the snow - it's pretty really. And fun. And telling - in the summer, I'd never be able to see the bird prints that hopped across the front porch, then down the steps and around the house, eating up the goldfish crakers crumbs we trailed in yesterday or the squirrel prints leading suspiciously up to my empty bird feeder. Hey, if it's going to be cold, I'd rather have snow to entertain us.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Rui (the bad dog) and Barney
Have you ever read the book Marley & Me by John Grogan? If you're the owner of a bad dog (as I am), it's a good book to read. Now, I'm not talking about a dog who is bad in the sense of being mean or dangerous or even ill-tempered. I'm talking about the dogs who love too much and live in the moment... to their detriment and that of their families. Pick it up, really - the movie is ok, but the book will have you laughing out loud even if you've never even petted a dog, much less shared your couch with one.
I'm sure you've been waiting with bated breath for the outcome of Tom's purple dinosaur cake. As usual, it was a fair amount of work, but turned out pretty well... I took a couple pictures of Barney I before heading to the grocery store to pick up a little more icing sugar to finish him off.
I'm sure you've been waiting with bated breath for the outcome of Tom's purple dinosaur cake. As usual, it was a fair amount of work, but turned out pretty well... I took a couple pictures of Barney I before heading to the grocery store to pick up a little more icing sugar to finish him off.
Notice that I called him Barney I... this would imply that there are more Barneys to come. I did not know he was Barney I when I left him in the middle of the kitchen table. I also did not realize that Rui (the bad dog) was in the house free. I learned about these facts when I returned to this:
I'd like to pretend that I was all zen about it, but I wasn't. Frankly, I might have committed canicide (is that right?) had I been able to catch him. I knew there was something wrong when he didn't greet me at the door - I defy any one who says dogs don't feel guilt to explain it. And this is the look of a very guilty dog:
So, I started again, this time with no time for piping buttercream - the fondant was ok, but rushed. Here is Barney II: 
He was a hit and the demise of Barney I made for a good story. Rui (the bad dog) remained contrite and I think he suffered for his dietary indiscretion. At least, we suffered the gas that came from digesting a pound of butter mixed with about 1kg of icing sugar.
Friday, February 13, 2009
I *heart* Salma Hayek
I never really cared about Salma Hayek one way or another, but now I love her. Her simple act of nursing a needy baby has brought to light a bunch of important issues around infant and maternal health. The cynics may call it a photo op, but what else are UN Ambassadors supposed to do? There's been lots and lots of discussion about this in mommy circles and that's a good thing.
So, of course, I was chatting with an acquaintance today and the subject came up. She asked me if I'd nurse another woman's baby or allow mine to be breastfed by someone else: I've come to this one step at a time, but today the answer is yes, provided that I was reasonably comfortable about the other mother's health. For some time, I considered cross-nursing to be an emergency only measure - like in a natural disaster where formula wasn't available. But if you think about it without the cultural qualms we've all developed, the risks of formula feeding so far exceed the risk of disease transmission that it's not logical. So then my position became that if mother and baby had to be separated for an emergency or mom couldn't nurse for medical reasons, then cross-nursing was ok. Does that really make either though? What about babies whose mothers need/want to work? Should those babies be subjected to the risks of formula feeding? I'm a big believer that babies need their mothers, not just for nutrition and comfort, but in and of themselves. However, every family needs to make their own choices about separations and that shouldn't have to steal the benefits of breasfeeding from that baby.
So, there we go, it wouldn't take too much for me to end up as a cross-nurser, but I haven't done it yet. Have you?
So, of course, I was chatting with an acquaintance today and the subject came up. She asked me if I'd nurse another woman's baby or allow mine to be breastfed by someone else: I've come to this one step at a time, but today the answer is yes, provided that I was reasonably comfortable about the other mother's health. For some time, I considered cross-nursing to be an emergency only measure - like in a natural disaster where formula wasn't available. But if you think about it without the cultural qualms we've all developed, the risks of formula feeding so far exceed the risk of disease transmission that it's not logical. So then my position became that if mother and baby had to be separated for an emergency or mom couldn't nurse for medical reasons, then cross-nursing was ok. Does that really make either though? What about babies whose mothers need/want to work? Should those babies be subjected to the risks of formula feeding? I'm a big believer that babies need their mothers, not just for nutrition and comfort, but in and of themselves. However, every family needs to make their own choices about separations and that shouldn't have to steal the benefits of breasfeeding from that baby.
So, there we go, it wouldn't take too much for me to end up as a cross-nurser, but I haven't done it yet. Have you?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The birthday season - the cake drama part I
It's birthday season at our house - starting February, one of us has a birthday every month. Tom's 2nd birthday has snuck up on me - I've been much more focussed on Isabelle's Valentine's and planning her birthday. He doesn't really have any independent friends and let's be honest, when you're two, more kids is really just more competition for toys and treats. So, we'll be doing something pretty low-key with some friends and family... which suits me fine.
The only trick is that when our godsons were born, oh, 7 years ago (!), I started a bit of tradition of making cool cakes for their first couple birthdays. The bear cakes have been very popular (see pics) as have some of the variation on bears. The complication, of course, is that when I started this, I didn't have my own kids to work around. Cake-making is a time-sensitive and detail-heavy task. Funny thing about kids, they are also very time-sensitive: "Mama, water!" is not a request, but an urgent, desperate plea (or so it seems). They are also very detail-oriented in some ways: "No, not that yogurt, that one!" They are the same yogurt, but on one package the picture is not facing out. Yet, precision is not a skill they've yet acquired, so offers to help are really offers to make a big mess and then get offended when it is cleaned up.
Sigh.
So back to my cake dilemma... My dear husband, ever the pragmatist and with none of the maternal guilt that weighs me down, kindly suggests that we buy a cake. This would be logical - the kids would be happy, I would be better rested and not sick from licking a pound of icing off my fingers. But what does he know? Instead, I've come up with a plan to build the best bear variation to date - Barney the Dinosaur!
This is foolish - it involves purple and green fondant. It also involves affixing cupcakes to a bear with toothpicks. Given that, I think you can likely expect that it will also include swearing and some tears. I'll keep you posted.
The only trick is that when our godsons were born, oh, 7 years ago (!), I started a bit of tradition of making cool cakes for their first couple birthdays. The bear cakes have been very popular (see pics) as have some of the variation on bears. The complication, of course, is that when I started this, I didn't have my own kids to work around. Cake-making is a time-sensitive and detail-heavy task. Funny thing about kids, they are also very time-sensitive: "Mama, water!" is not a request, but an urgent, desperate plea (or so it seems). They are also very detail-oriented in some ways: "No, not that yogurt, that one!" They are the same yogurt, but on one package the picture is not facing out. Yet, precision is not a skill they've yet acquired, so offers to help are really offers to make a big mess and then get offended when it is cleaned up.
Sigh.
So back to my cake dilemma... My dear husband, ever the pragmatist and with none of the maternal guilt that weighs me down, kindly suggests that we buy a cake. This would be logical - the kids would be happy, I would be better rested and not sick from licking a pound of icing off my fingers. But what does he know? Instead, I've come up with a plan to build the best bear variation to date - Barney the Dinosaur!
This is foolish - it involves purple and green fondant. It also involves affixing cupcakes to a bear with toothpicks. Given that, I think you can likely expect that it will also include swearing and some tears. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The sound of music
I'm sitting outside Isabelle's music class - behind the door, I can hear the cheerful pixie piano going and the trample of little feet across the wooden floor. Stay at home motherhood is funny - this weekly hour as I sit and wait for her class is a quiet break when I can write and think or just play brickbreaker on my cellphone. Or it would be if this week was not also music exams at the conservatory. As I type, a poor examiner is witnessing a crime against violins being comitted in the next room. I don't know how bad it must sound in there, but I'm about ready to go in there with a pair of scissors and snip every hair on that bow, so the examiner may be hard of hearing if he's let it go on this long.
Dan and I were talking about this the other day. Growing up, I didn't have much interest in music and it wasn't particularly encouraged: the result being that I can't dance and my sister gently suggested that it might be kinder to the kids if I played CDs for them instead of singing. Dan grew up in a very musical household - and he has the piano skills to prove it. Yet, he doesn't have all warm fuzzies about those early experiences either.
Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle the years of noise that it takes to be a competent player. I don't know if I want to be trucking the kids around to all the different lessons or monitor the praticing on top of homework. I worry that their time is already so structured and there are other things (like sports) that are important to their development too. And what if they've taken the wrong combination, inheriting none of their father's talent, all of my tone deafness and yet his confidence to play blythely in front of crowd. An American Idol disaster in the making.
Dan and I were talking about this the other day. Growing up, I didn't have much interest in music and it wasn't particularly encouraged: the result being that I can't dance and my sister gently suggested that it might be kinder to the kids if I played CDs for them instead of singing. Dan grew up in a very musical household - and he has the piano skills to prove it. Yet, he doesn't have all warm fuzzies about those early experiences either.
Honestly, I'm not sure if I can handle the years of noise that it takes to be a competent player. I don't know if I want to be trucking the kids around to all the different lessons or monitor the praticing on top of homework. I worry that their time is already so structured and there are other things (like sports) that are important to their development too. And what if they've taken the wrong combination, inheriting none of their father's talent, all of my tone deafness and yet his confidence to play blythely in front of crowd. An American Idol disaster in the making.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Breastfeeding Boosts IQ
The big story this week about breastfeeding that a major study has confirmed that breastfed babies have higher IQs and that duration and intensity of breastfeeding have a cumulative positive effect. I'm happy for the researchers and that it got lots of press, but it's not exactly breaking news, folks.
The story that seems to be missed in all this is how mothers in the study were supported and the dramatic difference it made in breastfeeding rates. By using the Baby-Friendly Initiative model combining appropriate hospital policies, education and support, there was a dramatic difference in breastfeeding rates at every stage. Contrary to what some the news reports suggest, the BFI program is about supporting mothers and encouraging them to listen to their baby's cues as opposed to training them in some magic breastfeeding tricks.
It's unfortunate that this part of it has not gotten the attention that it deserves - it's not really helpful to be debating whether 5 IQ points matters in the long-run or not. Breastfeeding is the way babies were meant to be fed and this is good proof that their mothers can provide that for them when given a reasonable support system.
The story that seems to be missed in all this is how mothers in the study were supported and the dramatic difference it made in breastfeeding rates. By using the Baby-Friendly Initiative model combining appropriate hospital policies, education and support, there was a dramatic difference in breastfeeding rates at every stage. Contrary to what some the news reports suggest, the BFI program is about supporting mothers and encouraging them to listen to their baby's cues as opposed to training them in some magic breastfeeding tricks.
It's unfortunate that this part of it has not gotten the attention that it deserves - it's not really helpful to be debating whether 5 IQ points matters in the long-run or not. Breastfeeding is the way babies were meant to be fed and this is good proof that their mothers can provide that for them when given a reasonable support system.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Kids do say the darndest things
Like the jargon of any organized group, families all seem to have their own secret language that only the members share – and it’s the children who bring the unqiue words to us.
The funny little expressions they use as they are learning ways to express themselves are often fleeting, but sometimes they stick. Just ask my uncle, Carlo, who is still called “Caco” as my sister reaches her late twenties. It could have been worse, though I’m not sure that Coco would be much better than Caca.
Since these are so fleeting, I thought I’d take the chance now to share a few of Isabelle’s particularly cute or funny ones:
- greffast: as in “Daddy made me pancakes for greffast”
- dewey: not the decimal system, but rather “dirty”, now largely outgrown, but we heard it a lot during the fastidiously clean phase that preceded her current ‘devil may care’ hygiene rules
- eye-spy down: as in “pineapple eye-spy down cake”
- eye-spy up: the reverse of eye-spy down
- mamote control: oddly, Isabelle could say “télé-commande” in French well before she could say it in English and just recently dropped mamote term
So, readers, share your favourite cute ones with me…
The funny little expressions they use as they are learning ways to express themselves are often fleeting, but sometimes they stick. Just ask my uncle, Carlo, who is still called “Caco” as my sister reaches her late twenties. It could have been worse, though I’m not sure that Coco would be much better than Caca.
Since these are so fleeting, I thought I’d take the chance now to share a few of Isabelle’s particularly cute or funny ones:
- greffast: as in “Daddy made me pancakes for greffast”
- dewey: not the decimal system, but rather “dirty”, now largely outgrown, but we heard it a lot during the fastidiously clean phase that preceded her current ‘devil may care’ hygiene rules
- eye-spy down: as in “pineapple eye-spy down cake”
- eye-spy up: the reverse of eye-spy down
- mamote control: oddly, Isabelle could say “télé-commande” in French well before she could say it in English and just recently dropped mamote term
So, readers, share your favourite cute ones with me…
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Mothering the mama
The arrival of a new baby, whether it is the first or fifth, marks an enormous transition in the family unit, but also in each individual’s life. Mom has gone through a major physical event and baby is learning about a whole new reality! The best advice is for everyone to keep in mind how enormous this transition really is and go easy on themselves and each other in the early weeks.
Making things easy is good theme to keep in mind when preparing for the birth. Mom should have nothing to worry about but her new baby and her own recovery – this is very important in establishing a healthy breastfeeding relationship and everything else should remain secondary. See this as a very brief period in a life-long investment for good health. Investing in a comfortable baby carrier will let Mom have her hands-free while baby remains secure – helping to offset the sometimes overwhelming constant needs of a newborn.
To help the rest of the family cope, frozen meals and take-out are a good start. A “casserole” shower before baby is born is a great idea.
Ensuring that older siblings feel included in the new arrival is very important to minimizing the inevitable resentment. Toy slings make a wonderful gift, making older siblings feel included while modeling the importance of baby’s closeness to Mom.
Outside help, whether in the form of relatives or paid help, can be a boon or a curse. Anyone coming to help needs to remember that they are there for Mom and Dad – not to swoon over the new arrival (hard as that is!). Mom may be feeling insecure and overwhelmed – too many suggestions about baby care may feel undermining. Even more dangerously, offering to feed baby just a bottle of formula while she sleeps sounds helpful, but in the long-run, it may damage her ability to breast-feed. Do laundry, cook meals, tidy up and play with kids, but leave the mothering of baby to Mom.
If hiring outside help such a doula, be sure to get references and interview well ahead of baby’s arrival, so that expectations are perfectly clear. Doulas can be found through their professional association, www.dona.org.
Making things easy is good theme to keep in mind when preparing for the birth. Mom should have nothing to worry about but her new baby and her own recovery – this is very important in establishing a healthy breastfeeding relationship and everything else should remain secondary. See this as a very brief period in a life-long investment for good health. Investing in a comfortable baby carrier will let Mom have her hands-free while baby remains secure – helping to offset the sometimes overwhelming constant needs of a newborn.
To help the rest of the family cope, frozen meals and take-out are a good start. A “casserole” shower before baby is born is a great idea.
Ensuring that older siblings feel included in the new arrival is very important to minimizing the inevitable resentment. Toy slings make a wonderful gift, making older siblings feel included while modeling the importance of baby’s closeness to Mom.
Outside help, whether in the form of relatives or paid help, can be a boon or a curse. Anyone coming to help needs to remember that they are there for Mom and Dad – not to swoon over the new arrival (hard as that is!). Mom may be feeling insecure and overwhelmed – too many suggestions about baby care may feel undermining. Even more dangerously, offering to feed baby just a bottle of formula while she sleeps sounds helpful, but in the long-run, it may damage her ability to breast-feed. Do laundry, cook meals, tidy up and play with kids, but leave the mothering of baby to Mom.
If hiring outside help such a doula, be sure to get references and interview well ahead of baby’s arrival, so that expectations are perfectly clear. Doulas can be found through their professional association, www.dona.org.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
And baby makes four...
With Thomas' recent birthday, I've been reflecting a bit on the transition to little ones and looking back on it with a bit more space (and sanity).
Older siblings will often regress in their behavior, wanting to nurse or drink from a bottle if they had previously given it up or being less reliable in their potty training. In addition, older siblings will often become clingier, to one or both parents or even adopt a transitional object, like a blanket or stuffed toy, when they had never shown interest before. Isabelle definitely did all of these - adopting "Bear" as her nighttime companion.
Parents can make the transition more difficult on everyone when they do not recognize what an enormous change the older child has undergone. Understanding and compassion, along with time, will restore household peace and help forge the lifetime bond that siblings will share.
A tried-and-true tip is to have an extra-special gift for the older sibling that the new baby “brought” for them. Make believe play is very powerful to young children: older siblings should have their own “baby” and gear to mimic mom and dad. This “baby” also gives them an outlet to play out their frustrations safely. Finally, everyone will benefit if mom has a good comfortable baby carrier so that she can meet baby’s need for closeness while having her hands-free for play. There are even great matching slings for both mom and siblings. These make a wonderful shower gift - older siblings will be very proud.
In human development, there are no absolutes and very little is inevitable: parents can expect their children to react to the addition of a new sibling as they would to any major event. A happy, go-lucky kid is likely to adjust pretty quickly, irrespective of their age or gender. Conversely, a child who is resistant to changes in routine or highly sensitive to noise is likely to have more difficulty. Go easy on yourselves and each other – it’s a joyful journey once all your little travelers get along.
Older siblings will often regress in their behavior, wanting to nurse or drink from a bottle if they had previously given it up or being less reliable in their potty training. In addition, older siblings will often become clingier, to one or both parents or even adopt a transitional object, like a blanket or stuffed toy, when they had never shown interest before. Isabelle definitely did all of these - adopting "Bear" as her nighttime companion.
Parents can make the transition more difficult on everyone when they do not recognize what an enormous change the older child has undergone. Understanding and compassion, along with time, will restore household peace and help forge the lifetime bond that siblings will share.
A tried-and-true tip is to have an extra-special gift for the older sibling that the new baby “brought” for them. Make believe play is very powerful to young children: older siblings should have their own “baby” and gear to mimic mom and dad. This “baby” also gives them an outlet to play out their frustrations safely. Finally, everyone will benefit if mom has a good comfortable baby carrier so that she can meet baby’s need for closeness while having her hands-free for play. There are even great matching slings for both mom and siblings. These make a wonderful shower gift - older siblings will be very proud.
In human development, there are no absolutes and very little is inevitable: parents can expect their children to react to the addition of a new sibling as they would to any major event. A happy, go-lucky kid is likely to adjust pretty quickly, irrespective of their age or gender. Conversely, a child who is resistant to changes in routine or highly sensitive to noise is likely to have more difficulty. Go easy on yourselves and each other – it’s a joyful journey once all your little travelers get along.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Learning the art of mothering - midwives
I’ve been reflecting lately on how much my mothering has changed since we first found out we were expecting Isabelle some 5+ years ago (wow!). In particular, I’ve been thinking about the women along the way who shared their wisdom and experience. There are a lot of books out there about mothering and babies – I’ve read a fair number of them and a couple do have some useful knowledge to pass on. But as I reflect on it, for all the time I spent reading books and scouring the internet for answers, it’s the mother-to-mother connections that imparted the things that matter.
There’s a good reason why 98% of midwifery clients are satisfied with their care – it’s a model that works for women and their families. While neither of my babies was delivered by midwives (emergency c-sections both), I attribute our survival through two rough pregnancies to their respectful and wise guidance.
That said, there’s a practical side to this mothering business and here’s what my midwives taught me:
- don’t bring a brand-new baby to church: the baby will be fine, but it will make you cry when people try to touch her
- diaper cream is more likely to trap urine/feces against the skin than protect the skin from it: air and lots of it will stave off rashes
- hold your baby and nurse her: you truly don’t have anything better to do
There’s a good reason why 98% of midwifery clients are satisfied with their care – it’s a model that works for women and their families. While neither of my babies was delivered by midwives (emergency c-sections both), I attribute our survival through two rough pregnancies to their respectful and wise guidance.
That said, there’s a practical side to this mothering business and here’s what my midwives taught me:
- don’t bring a brand-new baby to church: the baby will be fine, but it will make you cry when people try to touch her
- diaper cream is more likely to trap urine/feces against the skin than protect the skin from it: air and lots of it will stave off rashes
- hold your baby and nurse her: you truly don’t have anything better to do
Monday, December 3, 2007
Croup
I realize that I am out of bed when my hand is already on her door knob – even though I don’t know what I heard, I know something is wrong. When I open the door, Isabelle is sitting on the bed, gasping for breath. Her eyes are wide and she is reaching for me.
My head knows what this is: the croup – a common childhood virus of sudden onset (she was fine when she went to bed) characterized by a seal-like barking cough. It is not serious usually, as it is easily treated with steam/cool air and rest.
But my heart breaks… I gather her up in my arms and rock her while the shower runs. When the steam doesn’t help in a few minutes, I find myself in my pyjamas, sitting on our wet front porch with her wrapped in a blanket in my arms.
She calms, but is still having difficulty breathing, so I send her to the ER with her dad (and mine for good measure…). The men are ill-prepared – several times the intake staff suggests that perhaps it would be best to call her mother.
The triage nurse barely needs to look at her – “it’s the croup”. This strengthens my husband’s unwavering, if entirely unfounded belief, that I know everything about children. He is proud of me and I am thankful for his faith. And we are all grateful when a chipper Isabelle returns with a tired Daddy and a deep sleep fall over us all.
p.s. Yay to the great staff at Sick Kids - we are so fortunate to have them.
My head knows what this is: the croup – a common childhood virus of sudden onset (she was fine when she went to bed) characterized by a seal-like barking cough. It is not serious usually, as it is easily treated with steam/cool air and rest.
But my heart breaks… I gather her up in my arms and rock her while the shower runs. When the steam doesn’t help in a few minutes, I find myself in my pyjamas, sitting on our wet front porch with her wrapped in a blanket in my arms.
She calms, but is still having difficulty breathing, so I send her to the ER with her dad (and mine for good measure…). The men are ill-prepared – several times the intake staff suggests that perhaps it would be best to call her mother.
The triage nurse barely needs to look at her – “it’s the croup”. This strengthens my husband’s unwavering, if entirely unfounded belief, that I know everything about children. He is proud of me and I am thankful for his faith. And we are all grateful when a chipper Isabelle returns with a tired Daddy and a deep sleep fall over us all.
p.s. Yay to the great staff at Sick Kids - we are so fortunate to have them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
